Star Wars Song Parodies
by Rabid Wookiee Y
Summary: Get ready to belt out Star Wars versions of hits of the past and present!
1. Without V

Okay, just so you know, Star Wars belongs to George Lucas and all songs here are property of the original performers. But you already knew that, right? Eminem can keep this song, the weasel.

WITHOUT V

Premise: Darth Vader prepares his big comeback. (This is the first parody I've written)

To: Eminem's "Without Me"

"I find your lack of faith disturbing..."

Two TIE Interceptors go round the outside

Round the outside, round the outside

Two TIE Interceptors go round the outside

Round the outside, round the outside 

Guess who's back, back again 

Vader's back, at the end 

Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back 

Guess who's back... 

I've created a monster, 

'Cuz nobody wants to see Ani no more,

They want Vader. I'm bantha fodder!

Well, if you want Vader, this is what I've got for ya

A little James Earl Jones saying, "I am your father"

Give you a shock that'll make your heart stop quicker than a

Blaster bolt shootin' through your ticker 

Even the med-droid wasn't co-operating

I was shakin' the bacta while he was operating 

All you fans can stop debating 

'Cuz I'm back, in the suit and respirating

I know that it looks like a fashion statement 

But my lung condition is complicated.

So the Jedi Code won't let me be 

Or let me be me, so let me see

They tried to keep me out of Episode III 

But it wouldn't be Star Wars without me

So come on and give me your neck 

Give it a squeeze and a crack 

And what the heck

And get ready, 'cuz things are about to get heavy

I just killed all my masters; 

Sorry Padme! 

Now it looks like it's time for me 

So everybody, see Episode III

'Cuz we need a little animosity, 

And it wouldn't be Star Wars without me 

Now it looks like it's time for me 

So everybody, see Episode III

'Cuz we need a little animosity, 

And it wouldn't be Star Wars without me 

Full of hellions, planets feeling rebellious

Like the Chandrillans and the Corellians

But they're gonna feel like prisoners helpless,

When someone comes along with a saber and yells "SITH!"

Even mercenaries think I am scary, 

Let's stop the revolution, rule the airways.

Kill rebels! And anybody crossin' my path, 

It's a fact that I've got everyone fearin' my wrath

It was a disaster! Such a catastrophe! 

In Episode 1 Jar Jar had more class than me!

Well I'm back sings a bit of the Imperial March 

Fix your broken saber, turn it on and then I'm gonna

Swing around, cut through your skin like hot butter,

Dismissing your death with a casual mutter

I'm menacing, the best thing since podracing!

Defacing the galaxy and wasting!

Testing! "Attention Please." 

Feel apprehension as soon as someone mentions me

Join me and we can rule the galaxy.

Greetings, master. You sent for me? 

Now it looks like it's time for me 

So everybody, see Episode III

'Cuz we need a little animosity, 

And it wouldn't be Star Wars without me 

Now it looks like it's time for me 

So everybody, see Episode III

'Cuz we need a little animosity, 

And it wouldn't be Star Wars without me 

Let's get started, I'll go head to head

And anybody talkin' about the Light Side is dead 

Mace Windu, you're gonna be bantha poodoo

Even worse than that old fart Count Dooku, 

And Yoda? You could get smoked by Boba! 

You 900-year-old wrinkly slug.

You can't hold me. You're too old. Let go, it's over. 

Nobody listens to Kenobi!

So, let's go. Just give me a new arm

And I'll be doing the Rebels some serious harm

This'll make up for all the things I said and did 

Ever since George turned me into a kid (Yippee!)

Sometimes on the Internet it seems, 

The fans only want to discuss me

I excite them more than deleted scenes, 

And I'm badder than Maul or Palpatine

Yes, I am the first king of Star Wars villains

And I am the worst thing for the galaxy's millions. 

I wear a black suit that look so stealthy

And use it to keep myself healthy

Hey! Here's a government that works

20 million light Jedi have just been purged

But no matter how much violence you see 

It wouldn't be Star Wars without me 

Now it looks like it's time for me 

So everybody, see Episode III

'Cuz we need a little animosity, 

And it wouldn't be Star Wars without me 

Now it looks like it's time for me 

So everybody, see Episode III

'Cuz we need a little animosity, 

And it wouldn't be Star Wars without me

Ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha... ha ha ha ha

Ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha... ha ha ha ha

SITH!


	2. Die Another Way

Die Another Way

Premise: Boba Fett's rebuttal to fans who think he perished in the Sarlacc.

To: Madonna's "Die Another Day"

I'm gonna get up, this you know  
I'm gonna hold up my head  
I'm gonna stay Boba Fett  
I'm no good to me dead  
  
I'm gonna die another way  
I'm gonna die another way  
I'm gonna die another way  
I'm gonna die another way  
  
You know I'll die another way  
[Another way]  
You know I'll die another way  
[Another way]  
You know I'll die another way  
[Another way]  
You know I'll die another way  
  
George Lucas  
Try and deny this  
Try and deny this  
Try and deny this  
  
I'm gonna break all the rules  
I'm gonna shoot up the Sarlacc  
I'm gonna bolster my ego  
I'm gonna salvage my body now  
  
Uh, uh  
  
You know I'll find another way  
There's so much more to kill  
I'm gonna die another way  
After I let some more blood spill  


For every job has got to pay  
I get to work, so start to pray  
I've lived to see another day  
Soon everybody will know  
  
I'm gonna open up my eyes  
I'm gonna suspend the digestion  
I'm gonna delay my demise  
I'm gonna salvage my body now  
  
I'm gonna die another way  
You know I'll die another way  
I'm gonna die another way  
You know I'll die another way  
  
I know I'll find another way  
There's so much more to blast  
If you deny I live today  
Those words will be your last  
  
Uh, uh  
  
Heh heh  
  
I'm gonna die another way  
You know I'll die another way  
I'm gonna die another way  
You know I'll die another way  
  
Another way  
(repeat six times)


	3. The Monster's Mashed

****

The Monster's Mashed

Premise: A Jedi kills Jabba's rancor, which puts a damper on the party.

To: Bobby Boris Pickett's "Monster Mash"

In Jabba's palace, at half past ten,   
A Jedi was thrown in the rancor's den.  
And the monster from his slumber began to rise,   
And suddenly, to my surprise,  
  
The monster's mashed  
He made the monster mashed  
The monster's mashed  
The iron gate went smash  
The monster's mashed  
It happened in a flash  
The monster's mashed  
He made the monster mashed  
  
From the junkyard in the palace east,   
To the throne room where the Mighty Jabba feasts,  
They all saw the Jedi pull the lever,   
And saw the rancor's spinal cord sever  
  
The monster's mashed  
They saw the monster mashed  
The monster's mashed  
They saw the beast get smashed  
The monster's mashed  
They hoped to see the Jedi trashed  
The monster's mashed  
But all they got was a monster mashed  
  
That put a damper on all the fun,  
Because the party had just begun.  
The guests included Bib Fortuna and Ephant Mon.  
  
The scene was shocking, everybody was just struck dumb,  
Leia in chains eyed up by Salacious Crumb,  
The Twi'lek girls are frozen in the place that they stand,  
With their vocal group, the Max Rebo Band.  
  
They monster's mashed  
They saw the monster mashed  
The monster's mashed  
It really killed their bash  
The monster's mashed   
The Jedi won the clash  
The monster's mashed  
The floor was stained with monster mash  
  
Out from the pit Malakili's voice did ring,  
It seems he was saddened by just one thing,  
He wiped his tears and shook from his stupor 

and said, "Now what will I do with my giant Pooper Scooper?"  
  
The monster's mashed  
Too bad the monster's mashed  
The monster's mashed  
Just throw it in the trash,  
The monster's mashed  
No need to act so rash,  
The monster's mashed  
Your precious monster's mashed.  
  
The mighty Jabba didn't enjoy the loss of his beast  
Mainly because it interrupted his feast,  
The sarlacc proved no better, Jabba blew up with his scow  
So the Bo'marr are the ones who are partying now.  
  
The monsters mashed

The Jedi made a splash  
The monsters mashed  
He left the monsters mashed  
The monsters mashed  
Now all that's left is dried ash  
The monsters mashed  
And some icky monster mash.


	4. Cleanin' Out My Conscience

****

Cleanin' Out My Conscience

Premise: Darth Vader's final testimony.

To: Eminem's "Cleanin' Out My Closet" (I've got to get out of this Eminem thing)

Have you ever been hated or discriminated against? 

I have, I've subjugated and been demonstrated against

Call me slime for my wicked crimes. Look at the times. 

Sick is the mind of the Dark Lord of the Sith that's behind

All this commotion. Necks snappin' and planets explodin.' 

Attacks from the Rebels, just blow 'em off and keep goin.'

Not takin' no lip from no one, killing 'em as loud as I'm breathin'.

Keep takin' lives in the mornin,' an' hatin' my own in the evening.

Leave 'em with a taste of their own blood in their mouth. 

See, they can threaten me but they're still always lettin' me out

Look at me now, I bet they're glad to be rid of me now. 

I know I am, I'm dyin' and I've got my kid with me now. 

I'm sorry, Mama. 

I never meant to hurt you. 

I never meant to let you die, but tonight 

I'm cleanin' out my conscience. (Repeat)

I'm just a skeleton in my suit

I can't lift my head or turn it 

But before Luke starts buildin' my pyre and burns it,

I'd like to let me take you to a time in the past 

Before I ever was an evil Sith Lord in a mask

I was a kid, I was just ten, just a slave in the sand. 

An old man took me away from my dear Mama's hand, 

We just split. I barely even got to kiss her goodbye. 

But I promised to return when I became a Jedi. 

Ten years later I'm a Padawan, full of anger and pride. 

I watched Mama die, killed Sand People, tasted the Dark Side 

I tried to hold on and not fall just for Padme's sake. 

But when she died I became more machine than human. 

But I'm man enough to turn back today.

The things I did were evil, I can't deny it one bit, 

But the smartest thing I did was throw Palpatine down that pit.

Cuz he'd have killed Luke, he would have fried Luke and I both. 

It's my life, it's time for Anakin Skywalker to go. 

I'm sorry, Mama. 

I never meant to hurt you. 

I never meant to let you die, but tonight 

I'm cleanin' out my conscience. (Repeat)

Now I would never hurt my own Mama in all of my life. 

And I'd never harm a hair on Padme, my wife

But put yourself in my position. Just try to envision 

Witnessin' your Mama rotting in a Tusken Raider prison

Languishin' while you hold her tightly in your arms

And wishin' you coulda saved her instead on goin' on a mission

Just wantin' to go home.

My whole life I believed I was doin' right when I wasn't 

I grew up, Alderaan blew up. It makes me sick to my stomach.

And all the times that I gladly followed orders from Darth Sidious? 

Now I see how it was all so horrible and hideous.

But guess what, I'm dying now and I'm miserable and sad. 

But I'm glad that Luke was able to redeem his old Dad.

And Leia's so big now, you should see her, she's beautiful. 

I just wish I could have realized this before my funeral.

See, what hurts me the most is I just couldn't admit I was wrong. 

I should have listened to my heart and remembered my mom.

But instead I chose the Dark Side, and I'm full of regret. 

I was selfish, please forgive me, I'm payin' my debt.

Remember when Obi-Wan died and everybody wished it was me? 

Well, I'm dead now. I'm comin' home. I'm finally free. 

I'm sorry, Mama. 

I never meant to hurt you. 

I never meant to let you die, but tonight 

I'm cleanin' out my conscience. (Repeat x 4)


	5. Racer Boy

AUTHOR'S NOTE: First of all, thank you for all the kind comments, especially for "Cleanin' Out My Conscience", which has pleased and surprised me with its popularity. That said, I would like to say that while I write some song parodies out of respect for the original songs, many are my revenge at the artists for my hearing their songs blaring on the radio constantly. This song definitely falls into the latter category. Avril Levigne, you may be a fellow Canadian, but as far as I'm concerned, you make Eminem look like a virtuoso. And that's saying something. For best results, sing this song while wearing your grandfather's necktie and spray-painting pentagrams on public property.

Racer Boy

Premise: Anakin and Padmé's romance encapsulated. Also sums up the attitude of most audience members (but not all) to Episode II's overwhelming romance. I mean, I knew that they were going to get married, but wrestling and giggling in the flower fields? What were you thinking, George?!

To: Avril Levigne's "Skater Boy" (which I refuse to misspell)

He was a boy   


She was a girl   


Could they be any more obnoxious?  


He was a slave   


She was a queen  


They met on Tatooine   


He wanted her   


His life was hell 

He asked her if she was an angel   


But all of her friends  


Needed to leave   


So he ran the podrace on Boonta Eve 

He was a racer boy   


Not yet a skirt-chaser boy   


He wasn't old enough for her  


She had a pretty face   


But her ship was stuck in space   


He got her crew out of the dirt 

10 years from now  


In Attack of the Clones   


Cordé blew up, now she's all alone   


A Jedi comes over  


Though he's gotten tall   


Racer boy's hardly matured at all   


He's a bit of a jerk   


He doesn't like sand   


And I think that  


He's going to lose his hand  


She tagged along   


With a dignified frown   


And she still keeps on turning him down

He was a racer boy   


A real hotshot spacer boy  


He wasn't nice enough for her   


Now he's a Padawan   


Sneering at Obi-Wan   


But he was a whiner since his birth

He was a racer boy   


A real hotshot spacer boy  


He wasn't nice enough for her   


Now he's a Padawan  


Sneering at Obi-Wan   


But he was a whiner since his birth

It's at this point that I passed out   


Lucas, stop the romance now   


They got married, made amends   


This is how the movie ends   


Poor Padmé, I guarantee  


She'll be pregnant by part III  


And will she really understand   


When Ani's more machine than man

He's still a boy   


And she's still a girl   


But Padmé finally stopped boring us   


She confessed her love   


(I nearly hurled)  


On a rocky desert world

He's still a racer boy   


I saw you embrace her, boy   


Episode II was laid to waste   


He really made the scene   


With the former Naboo queen   


A girl who used to have some taste

She married the racer boy   


The future Darth Vader boy   


I can't wait for Episode III   


I'll be at the theater   


Laughing out loud at her   


When her husband is circuitry…


	6. Livin' La Vida Yoda

AUTHOR'S NOTE: If you like these songs, you might enjoy Songbook of the Whills (http://www.theforce.net/songbook/), where I originally submitted these songs. They never got back to me, so I stuck them up here and got ten times the feedback. If I had known how well they'd be received, I'd have put the songs up here sooner.

****

Livin' La Vida Yoda

Premise: Jedi training on Dagobah is no easy task.

To: Ricky Martin's "Livin' La Vida Loca"

He's into superstitions  


Floating rocks and haunted trees  


He feels a premonition  


Through the Force is how he sees 

He'll teach you new sensations  


Meditating in the night  


He's got some messed-up diction  


His sentences just aren't right 

He'll make you leave your  


Astromech droid standing in the rain  


He'll make you live the Jedi life

He'll help you with your pain  


He'll help you clear your brain 

He's so darn profound  


He's livin' la vida Yoda  


He'll order you around  


Livin' la vida Yoda  


He makes you train all day  


But he's sweet as an ice cream soda  


He will wear you out

Livin' la vida Yoda  


Livin' la vida Yoda  


We're livin' la vida Yoda 

Woke up on old Dagobah  


In a funky old swamp shack  


I met this green guy that talks funny  


He helped get my X-Wing back 

He says there is no "try"

Makes you handstand and levitate  


Yeah, he's a Jedi Master  


He warns me not to hate  


Yeah, wars don't make one great

He'll drive you to the ground  


He's livin' la vida Yoda  


He'll order you around  


Livin' la vida Yoda  


He makes you train all day  


And his voice sounds a lot like Grover  


He will wear you out  


Livin' la vida Yoda  


Livin' la vida Yoda  


We're livin' la vida Yoda


	7. Carbonite

Carbonite

Premise: A certain scoundrel bids farewell to his princess.

To: 3 Doors Down's "Kryptonite"

I took a flight through meteors so  
We'd have time to talk  
I've got my body laying somewhere  
In a frozen block  
I watched my world trapped by the dark  
Side of the Force  
I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah

I watched my world trapped by the  
Dark side of the Force  
After all I knew it had to be Darth  
Vader, of course  
I really don't mind what happens now and then  
As long as you'll be with me 'til the end

If I get frozen then will you still  
Know I'm good old Han  
If I'm alive and well, will you be  
There holding my hand  
I'll keep you in my heart even  
If Fett takes me tonight  
Carbonite

You called me a scruffy nerfherder,  
But I didn't leave you murdered  
You took for granted all the times I  
Never let you down  
A tool box fell and hit my head, if  
Not for me then you would be dead  
I got you out and put you back  
Among the clouds

If I get frozen then will you still  
Know I'm good old Han  
If I'm alive and well, will you be  
There holding my hand  
I'll keep you in my heart even  
If Fett takes me tonight  
Carbonite

If I get frozen then will you still  
Know I'm good old Han  
If I'm alive and well, will you be  
There holding my hand  
I'll keep you in my heart even  
If Fett takes me tonight  
Carbonite

Yeah!

If I get frozen then will you still  
Know I'm good old Han  
If I'm alive and well, will you be  
There holding my hand  
I'll keep you in my heart even  
If Fett takes me tonight  
Carbonite


	8. Obi Wan

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well, some people have been after me to write a song about Obi-Wan. So, although Baz Luhrman's camera work gives me motion sickness, I braved the halls of the Moulin Rouge and dredged out a song which, in a way, was sung by Obi-Wan himself. I hope you don't kill me over this.

Obi-Wan 

Premise: A song for Obi-Wan Kenobi.

To: Elton John's "Your Song"

My name's Obi-Wan  
A Jedi, it's true  
And you could tell everybody  
I'm a Padawan  
I'm not at all simple  
But my life's quite fun  
Hope you don't mind  
I hope you don't mind  
That I have grown a beard  
I'm a nice guy, and not to be feared  
  
I fought Dooku  
And I cut Maul in half  
When I remember my youth  
I just have to laugh  
But the Force has been kind  
I'm still Obi-Wan  
It's for people like you that  
I keep living on  
  
So excuse me for deceiving  
But these things I do  
You see so many truths  
Rest on our point of view  
Anyway, the thing is what I really mean  
I spend too much time on old Tatooine  
  
(Interim – Jabba the Hutt sings opera)  
  
And you can tell everybody  
I'm still Obi-Wan  
I'm not at all simple  
But I'm still having fun  
I hope you don't mind  
I hope you don't mind, that I cut off your arm  
But's that's how Jedi stay protected from harm 

I hope you don't mind  
I hope you don't mind, that I still use the Force  
But I am the last of the Jedi, of course


	9. Sweet Queen Amidala

****

Sweet Queen Amidala

Premise: If Anakin stopped sulking and decided to write a love song…

To: Lynard Skynyrd's "Sweet Home Alabama"

Planets keep on turnin',  
But that don't concern old Anakin.  
Singin' songs about my best gal.  
I miss my Padme once again and they think it's a sin, yes.  
  
Well I heard Kenobi warn of danger.  
Well, I heard Obi-Wan put you down.  
Well, I hope Obi-Wan will remember,  
A Skywalker don't need him around anyhow!  
  
Sweet Queen Amidala,  
Leader of the Naboo.  
Sweet Queen Amidala,  
Padme, I'm in love with you!  
  
On Coruscant they love the Senator, boo, boo, boo,  
Now we all did what we could do.  
Now Palpatine does not bother me,  
Does all this sand bother you? Tell the truth.  
  
Sweet Queen Amidala,  
Leader of the Naboo.  
Sweet Queen Amidala, yeah.  
Padme, I'm in love with you.  
Here I come. Amidala!  
  
Now Otoh Gunga's got the Gungans,  
And even they can't stay mad at you. (Yes they do)  
You're my Royal Highness,  
You cheer me up when I'm feelin' blue, an' you know it's true!  
  
Sweet Queen Amidala,  
Leader of the Naboo.  
Sweet Queen Amidala,  
Padme, I'm in love with you!  
  
Sweet Queen Amidala, (Oh m'lady!)  
Leader of the Naboo. (and a Senator, too.)  
Sweet Queen Amidala, (Oh yeah.)  
Padme, I'm in love with you! (Oo, Oo, yeah, Yeah!)


	10. Pop

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well, I haven't skewered any boy bands yet, have I? This one just exploded into my head after a two-day writer's block.

****

Pop

Premise: Luke defends his dear old dad.

To: N*SYNC's "Pop"

Sick and tired of hearin' all these people talk about  
What's the deal with your pop's life  
And when's he gonna chill out?   
The thing you got to realize is  
That there's good in him, my friend   
The story of my family  
You could never comprehend  
_Come on now..._  
  
It doesn't matter   
If he tells you lies  
Or if he breaks your neck   
All that matters  
Is that you recognize  
That he still deserves respect   
It doesn't matter  
'Bout the mask he wears  
And that he flies a TIE   
All that matters   
Is that under that suit  
There beats the heart of a great Jedi   
  
Do you ever wonder why (why)  
I bother just to try   
I feel his good inside   
Feel it when  
My daddy starts to talk   
I've gotta save my pop   
He's the only dad I've got   
He must be  
  
Sturdy pop, sturdy, sturdy pop  
You can stop  
You just have to stay sturdy, pop  
_He must be_  
  
Now, I'm not gonna try to justify the things I've seen him do   
But I'll get him to make it up   
And pay back all his dues  
Tired of feeling all around me animosity   
Don't you worry, things are gonna be fine   
Now people, can't you see  
  
It doesn't matter   
If he tells you lies  
Or if he breaks your neck   
All that matters  
Is that you recognize  
That he still deserves respect   
It doesn't matter  
'Bout the mask he wears  
And that he flies a TIE   
All that matters   
Is that under that suit  
There beats the heart of a great Jedi  
  
Do you ever wonder why (why)  
I bother just to try   
I feel his good inside   
Feel it when  
My daddy starts to talk   
I've gotta save my pop   
He's the only dad I've got

He must be (Oooo Oooo Oooo)  
  
Man, I'm tired of whining.  
  
Sturdy, sturdy, sturdy, pop  
Sturdy, pop  
Do you ever wonder....  
  
Do you ever wonder why (why)  
I bother just to try   
I feel his good inside   
Feel it when  
My daddy starts to talk   
I've gotta save my pop   
He's the only dad I've got  
Please trust me  
  
Do you ever wonder why (why)  
I bother just to try   
I feel his good inside   
Feel it when  
My daddy starts to talk   
I've gotta save my pop   
He's the only dad I've got  
Please trust me  
  
POP..


	11. The Maul

AUTHOR'S NOTE: As a BS Boys parody goes, this isn't as good as "I Wanted Padme", which I really wish I wrote, but didn't. But I'm sure you'll like this.

****

The Maul

Premise: I think you can figure this one out on your own.

To: The Backstreet Boys' "The Call"

Let me tell you the story about the fight that changed my destiny

Me and my droids went out, just to do evil Sithery

A Jedi Master and his Padawan were standing in front of me

And I, I impaled the one called Qui

Down he goes, and what do you know

Obi-Wan's waiting for me

But a Padawan can't beat me

This is gonna be gory

When I attack in a flurry

The power of hate fortifies and strengthens me

You're just countering my assault and battery too slow,

So you know, prepare to kiss your face goodbye

Here we go

I battled with the Padawan

More vicious than I did with Qui-Gon

One of my blades went out

But I can win with only one

I sent him into a slide, but he just grabbed the side

Wouldn't stop until one of us died

This is gonna be gory

When I attack in a flurry

The power of hate fortifies and strengthens me

You're just countering my assault and battery too slow,

So you know, prepare to kiss your face goodbye

Here we go

Let me tell you the story about the fight that changed my destiny

Me and him duked it out, and he then started besting me

I was about to slay him and there he was swinging it right at me

So I, I got severed waist to thigh

Here I go

This is gonna be gory

When I attack in a flurry

The power of hate fortifies and strengthens me

You're just countering my assault and battery too slow,

So you know, prepare to kiss your face goodbye

Here we go

This is gonna be gory

When I attack in a flurry

The power of hate fortifies and strengthens me

You're not countering my assault and battery so slow,

So you know, I had to kiss my legs goodbye

Here I go


	12. Where Are You?

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, I know you're all sick of me dumping on poor Avril, but… *shrug* this is the last one of hers I'm doing, at least for a while.

****

Where Are You?

Premise: Poor Luke is stuck in the middle of a Hoth blizzard…

To: Avril Levigne's "I'm With You"

I'm on the northern ridge   
The sky is getting dark   
I thought that you'd be here by now  
There's nothing but the cold

Snow's all over the ground  
No speeders or Tauntauns around 

Isn't anyone trying to find me?   
Won't somebody come take me home? 

It's a darn cold night   
And I nearly lost my life   
Won't you come and get me, Han?   
I'm turning blue   
I don't know where you are   
But I... I need you

I'm looking for a place  
That's called Echo Base  
It's the only home I know  
The Wampa picked a fight  
I'm really in distress  
My Tauntaun's a mess of bones 

Isn't anyone trying to find me?   
Won't somebody come take me home?

It's a darn cold night   
And I nearly lost my life   
Won't you come and get me, Han?   
I'm turning blue   
I don't know where you are   
But I... I need you

Obi-wan is still so confusing   
Now he's saying that I need to find   
Yoda, Yoda, Yoda, Yoda

Yoda 

It's a darn cold night   
And I nearly lost my life   
Won't you come and get me, Han?   
I'm turning blue   
I don't know where you are   
But I... I need you

Come and get me, Han   
I'm turning blue   
I don't know where you are   
But I... I need you  
I need you

Come and get me, Han   
I'm turning blue   
I don't know where you are   
But I... I need you  
I need you


	13. At The End

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well, here's another Darth Vader angst rap. I hope I'm not getting predictable.

At The End   


Premise: Late at night, Vader speaks to his long-deceased wife…

To: Linkin Park's "In the End"

  
(It starts with)   
One moment

And you know why  
It doesn't even matter how hard you try  
Keep that in mind

I've done many crimes  
To make my mark on the times  
All I know  
Life is a valuable thing  
Watch it fly by as you spread your wings  
Will they live to see the end of the day?  
I can take it away  
A man of steel  
See how I've sunk so low?  
As my heart went right out the window  
I tried to hold on 

But didn't even know  
Wasted it all when I  
Saw you go  
I kept your love inside and even though I tried it all fell apart  
What you meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when 

I tried so hard  
And got so far  
But in the end  
I've gotten even madder  
I took a fall  
I lost it all  
And in the end  
I've gotten even sadder  
  
One moment

And you know why  
It doesn't even matter how hard you try  
Keep that in mind

I've done many crimes  
To make my mark on the times  
I tried so hard  
In spite of the way they were restraining me  
Imprisoning me instead of training me  
Remembering all the times they fought with me  
Surprised it got this (far)?   
Things aren't the way they were before  
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore  
Not that you could come back, then  
But it all comes back to me  
In the end  
You kept my love inside and even though I cried 

It shattered my heart  
What you meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when  


I tried so hard  
And got so far  
But in the end  
I've gotten even madder  
I took a fall  
I lost it all  
And in the end  
I've gotten even sadder  
  
I gave my heart to you  
Pushed as far as I could go  
And for all this  
There's only one thing you must know  
I gave my heart to you  
Pushed as far as I could go  
And for all this  
There's only one thing you must know  


I tried so hard  
And got so far  
But in the end  
I've gotten even madder  
I took a fall  
I lost it all  
And in the end  
I've gotten even sadder


	14. How The Binks Ruined Star Wars

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Only one month until Christmas! I'll likely do another Yuletide song later, but enjoy this one first. I love Jar Jar, really I do, but I'm of a repressed minority. 

****

You're A Dumb One, Mr. Binks

Premise: All the Star Wars characters were liked a lot. But the Binks, who ruined Episode 1, was not.

To: Dr. Suess' "You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch"

You're a dumb one, Mr. Binks.  
You're such an imbecile.  
You're as clever as a cactus,  
Your face looks like an eel.  
Mr. Binks.  
  
I'd like to run you over  
With an automobile.

  
You're a moron, Mr. Binks.  
Your head's an empty hole.  
Your brain is full of cobwebs,  
You can't think to save your soul.  
Mr. Binks.  
  
I'd like to strike you, with a   
thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole.  
  
You're a dense one, Mr. Binks.  
You have seafood in your smile.  
You have all the mental prowess  
Of a drunken imbecile.  
Mr. Binks.  
  
Given the choice between the two of you  
I'd take the drunken imbecile.  
  
You're a foul one, Mr. Binks.  
You're a clumsy, wumsy punk.  
You have the smell of unwashed socks  
You speak like you are drunk.  
Mr. Binks.  
  
The three words that best describe you  
are as follows, and I quote: "Jar. Jar. Stunk."  
  
You're a rotter, Mr. Binks.  
You're the king of silly sots.  
I really wish that you got shot  
By those battle robots.  
Mr. Binks.  
  
Your movie is an appalling dump heap overflowing  
with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable  
rubbish imaginable,  
Mangled up in tangled up knots.  
  
You nauseate me, Mr. Binks.  
With a nauseous super-naus.  
I really wish that you had  
Gotten "crunched" up by your "Boss".  
Mr. Binks.  
  
I'll make you into a three-decker Gungan and swamp-grass  
sandwich  
With idiot sauce.


	15. Lost Boys

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I hope you like this one! It's a little depressing, but…

****

Lost Boys

Premise: Why do the worst things happen to the good boys?

To: Kelly Rowland's "Stole"

He was always such a nice boy  
The polite one   
With good intentions  
He always helped others  
Really loved his mother  
A good boy  
Real good with his inventions  
One kid with a promise  
He may fulfill a prophesy  
Let's wait and see  
Meditating and all that Jedi stuff  
It wasn't enough, no  
He'd always fight and disagree, whoa  
  
  
He's not innocent anymore  
With an ebony mask and an armoured suit  
He doesn't fight his hatred anymore  
Crushing lives under his boots  
  
  
Ani had the exact same name   
As Anakin Solo  
Who stood up to the Yuuzhan Vong  
And took an amphistaff blow  
He coulda been a Jedi Knight  
If he hadn't taken that fight  
His life was stole   
Now we'll never know  
  
  
No, no, no, no, oh  
  
  
Boba grew up on Kamino  
Jango brought him up right  
Was always welcome  
He showed up at the clone labs  
But in the big fight  
A Jedi swung around  
Father's head fell to the ground  
Nobody was left to talk to him  
Give him the time of day  
He ran away  
If there would have been someone to help him with his pain  
He might have stayed at home  
Watching the falling rain  
  
  
He's not innocent anymore  
He'll murder you or take you in chains  
He shoots to kill without remorse  
Everybody knows his name  
  
  
Ani had the exact same name   
As Anakin Solo  
Who stood up to the Yuuzhan Vong  
And took an amphistaff blow  
He coulda been a Jedi Knight  
If he hadn't taken that fight  
His life was stole   
Now we'll never know  
  
  
Biggs could shoot a womp rat from 20 feet away (20 feet away)  
He skipped out the Academy  
Flew for the Rebels that day (that day)  
He and Luke were called the shooting stars  
But Biggs never got that far  
His life was stole (Stole)  
Oh now we'll never know  
  
  
Now we'll never, never, never know  
Mmm, now we'll never, never, never, never know  
Stole (Stole)  
Oh whoa, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah  
  
  
Ani had the exact same name   
As Anakin Solo  
Who stood up to the Yuuzhan Vong  
And took an amphistaff blow  
He coulda been a Jedi Knight  
If he hadn't taken that fight  
His life was stole   
Now we'll never know  
  
  
Biggs could shoot a womp rat from 20 feet away (20 feet away)  
He skipped out the Academy  
Flew for the Rebels that day (that day)  
He and Luke were called the "Shooting Stars"  
But Biggs never got that far  
His life was stole (Stole)  
Oh now we'll never know  
  
Oh, no, no, no  
Yeah, their lives were stole


	16. Getcha Good

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Jabba the Hutt singing like Shania Twain? Now that's scary!

****

Getcha Good

Premise: Look out, Solo. Jabba's coming for you!

To: Shania Twain's "I'm Gonna Getcha Good"

Ho ho ho!  
  
You dumped all of my cargo – you know that wasn't right  
If you can't get the money, I'll have to claim your life - yeah  
Uh, I know I said I'm serious - and Solo, I am  
I've got me some bounty hunters, I'll make you a wanted man  
  
Oh, yeah  
So, don't try to run - buddy, your days are done  
I'll make you into a – wall decoration

  
(I'm gonna getcha)  
I'm gonna getcha while I gotcha in sight  
(I'm gonna getcha)  
I'll Boba Fett ya , put you in carbonite  
(Yeah, you can betcha)  
You can betcha by the time I say so, you'll have nowhere to go  
(I'm gonna getcha)  
I'm gonna getcha, it's a matter of fact  
(I'm gonna getcha)  
Fett's gonna fetch ya, don'tcha worry 'bout that  
(Yeah, you can betcha)  
You can bet your bottom dollar, in time you're gonna be mine  
Just like I should - I'll getcha good  
  
Yeah, uh, uh  
I've already planned it - here's how it's gonna be  
I'm gonna catch you and - you're gonna belong to me  
Yeah, yeah  
  
Oh, yeah  
So, don't try to run - buddy, your days are done  
I'll make you into a – wall decoration

  
(I'm gonna getcha)  
I'm gonna getcha while I gotcha in sight  
(I'm gonna getcha)  
I'll Boba Fett ya, put you in carbonite  
(Yeah, you can betcha)  
You can betcha by the time I say so, you'll have nowhere to go  
(I'm gonna getcha)  
I'm gonna getcha, it's a matter of fact  
(I'm gonna getcha)  
Fett's gonna fetcha, don'tcha worry 'bout that  
(Yeah, you can betcha)  
You can bet your bottom dollar, in time you're gonna be mine  
Just like I should - I'll getcha good  
  
  
Yeah, I'm gonna getcha buddy – you know that I would  
I'm gonna getcha somehow, sonny - yeah, I'm gonna make it good  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah  
  
Oh, yeah  
So, don't try to run - buddy, your days are done  
I'll make you into a – wall decoration

(I'm gonna getcha)  
I'm gonna getcha while I gotcha in sight  
(I'm gonna getcha)  
I'll Boba Fett ya , put you in carbonite  
(Yeah, you can betcha)  
You can betcha by the time I say so, you'll have nowhere to go  
(I'm gonna getcha)  
I'm gonna getcha, it's a matter of fact  
(I'm gonna getcha)  
Fett's gonna fetch ya, don'tcha worry 'bout that  
(Yeah, you can betcha)  
You can bet your bottom dollar, in time you're gonna be mine  
Just like I should - I'll getcha good  
  
Oh, I'm gonna getcha, I'm gonna getcha real good   
Yeah, you can betcha, oh, I'm gonna getcha  
(I'm gonna getcha) just like I should, I'll getcha good  
Oh, I'm gonna getcha good!


	17. I Don't Believe At All

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well, I was bound to do this one sooner or later…

****

I Don't Believe At All

Premise: "No mystical energy field controls _my_ destiny. It's just a lot of simple tricks and nonsense."

To: Treble Charger's "I Don't Believe It All"

On our way to Alderaan   
You're listening to Obi-Wan 

Everything you say   
Will never really change a thing in sight   
The simple tricks you did   
Don't match up to a blaster at your side 

(All this time I've)   
Told you that you've got it wrong   
You're lucky I brought you along   
I'm just holding out for my pay 

What you say is unbelievable   
I can't stand to hear it once more   
Sorry, kid, I don't believe at all   
I don't think you're really a Jedi 

It was just a real lucky try   
Just look me straight in the eye 

Luck is really cheap   
The company you keep is more to blame   
The parlor tricks you did   
They really seemed to be so downright lame 

(All this time I)   
Don't believe and never could   
Wonder if I ever would   
And I still won't no matter what you say, so 

What you say is unbelievable   
I can't stand to hear it once more   
Sorry, kid, I don't believe at all   
I don't think you're really a Jedi

I think that you know why  
And all the Jedi

They died a long time ago   
It's forgotten now, you know   
There's things that you'll never know 

What you say I can't believe   
And you know I'm right   
What you say I can't believe   
And you know I'm right  
What you say I can't believe   
And you know I'm right

What you say is unbelievable   
I can't stand to hear it once more   
Sorry, kid, I don't believe at all   
I don't think you're really a Jedi (And you know I'm right) 

What you say is unbelievable   
I can't stand to hear it once more   
Sorry, kid, I don't believe at all   
I don't think you're really a Jedi

What you say I can't believe   
And you know I'm right  
What you say I can't believe   
And you know I'm right


	18. Six Flicks Done

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm back, after a restful weekend! Here's a getaway from the everyday.

****

Six Flicks Done

Premise: George Lucas realizes that his three-decade saga is finally coming to an end. Does he have any regrets?

To: Creed's "One Last Breath"

Please come now, the box office is falling  
I'm holding on to all I think is safe  
Attack of the Clones went nowhere  
And I'm trying to escape  
Jar Jar Binks was my blunder  
But I'm down to one last film  
And with it let me say  
Let me say  
  
Holy cow  
My six flicks are at the end and I'm stinking  
And maybe quality  
Is going down  
I'm looking down, it's almost over  
Reflecting on all of my mistakes  
I thought I was going somewhere  
I got laughed in my face  
I cried out, heaven save me  
But I'm down to one last film  
And with it let me say  
Let me say  
  
Holy cow  
My six flicks are at the end and I'm stinking  
And maybe quality  
Is going down  
  
Mad audiences boo me  
But I still believe there's something left for me  
So please come, bear with me  
'Cause I still believe there's something good in Episode III  
For you and me   
For you and me  
  
See me now  
My six flicks are at the end I'm still kicking…


	19. The WretchUp Song

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I have no idea what controlled substances inspired the madness that is the Ketchup Song, but I have partially been able to replicate the dementia with caffeine. And yes, all of the Huttese in this song is genuine. Don't expect the translation to make much sense, though. I apologize in advance if this is totally impossible to sing.

****

The Wretch-up Song

Premise: It's about Greedo. That's all you need to know.

To: Las Ketchup's "The Ketchup Song"

Greedo lives a life of crime  
Shooting people all the time   
Keebadas binggona hotsa sando   
With a blaster at his side  
He's got Solo in his sights,   
Proving that he's still the man, oh  
He's the bounty hunter they call Greedo   
See his temper getting hotter   
H'chu apenkee ne ompee doe gaga punta?   
What he's saying, I don't know,  
He's got his gun aimed at Solo,   
Next thing I know, he's yelling "Koona t'chuta?",   
"Ickabunga!" and he misses, "Coo ya stupa!"  
  
Makacheesa Jee teetocky bolla tuta Jeedai bedwana,   
Peedunkee chuba wanga tuta wupiupi,   
(x2)   
  
Give him all of your moulee-rah,   
The Rodian everyone fears,   
You're a dead man as soon as he spies you,   
He doesn't care about your creeta,   
He'll just snicker and keepuna,  
Cha skrunee do pat, sleemo  
  
He's the bounty hunter they call Greedo   
See his temper getting hotter   
H'chu apenkee ne ompee doe gaga punta?   
What he's saying, I don't know,  
He's got his gun aimed at Solo,   
Next thing I know, he's yelling "Koona t'chuta?",   
"Ickabunga!" and he misses, "Coo ya stupa!"

  
Makacheesa Jee teetocky bolla tuta Jeedai bedwana,   
Peedunkee chuba wanga tuta wupiupi

(x2)

Greedo lives a life of crime  
Shooting people all the time   
Keebadas binggona hotsa sando   
With a blaster at his side  
He's got Solo in his sights,   
Proving that he's still the man, oh  
He's the bounty hunter they call Greedo   
See his temper getting hotter   
H'chu apenkee ne ompee doe gaga punta?   
What he's saying, I don't know,  
He's got his gun aimed at Solo,   
Next thing I know, he's yelling "Koona t'chuta?",   
"Ickabunga!" and he misses, "Coo ya stupa!"  
  
Makacheesa Jee teetocky bolla tuta Jeedai bedwana,   
Peedunkee chuba wanga tuta wupiupi  
(x2)  
  
Greedo lived a life of crime  
He killed people all the time   
Keebadas binggona hotsa sando   
With a blaster at his side  
He had Solo in his sights,   
Trying to prove he's still the man, oh  
He's the bounty hunter they called Greedo   
His temper was getting hotter   
H'chu apenkee ne ompee doe gaga punta?   
Just what happened, I don't know,  
He had his gun aimed at Solo,   
Next thing I know, he's yelling "Koona t'chuta?",   
"Ickabunga!" and he misses, "Coo ya crispa!"

  
Makacheesa Jee teetocky bolla tuta Jeedai bedwana,   
Peedunkee chuba wanga tuta wupiupi

(x3)

  
Lalalalalala  
Lalalala lalalalalala  
Hahahahahahahahahah  
Hee hee hee Greedo   
  
Makacheesa Jee teetocky bolla tuta Jeedai bedwana,   
Peedunkee chuba wanga tuta wupiupi

(x9, or until you commit vehicular homicide)


	20. This Party's Over

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, here's your Mace Windu song. I originally tried to write a song called "Purple Blade" (to Prince's "Purple Rain"), but I think that this one turned out better. And if you're looking for some Linkin Park, check out Song #13.

****

This Party's Over

Premise: A Mace Windu song, with absolutely no Pulp Fiction or Shaft references.

To: Queen's "Another One Bites The Dust" 

Ooh, let's go  
In an arena full of freaks  
Mace is facing his foe  
Lightsaber's underneath that Reek  
In his battle with Jango  
  
Are you ready to rock here on Geonosis?  
Are you hangin' on the edge of your seat?  
Hear the purple blade crackle and hiss  
To the sound of the beat - yeah  
  
Mandalorian bites the dust  
Mandalorian bites the dust  
Lightsaber's on and your head is gone  
Mandalorian bites the dust, eh  
Don't mess with Master Windu  
Mandalorian bites the dust  
  
I don't think we're going to get along  
Your evil days are done  
You're just a punk bounty hunter  
I'll deal with you on my own  
  
Are you lucky? Are you confident?  
How long can you stand the heat?  
I'll be beating on your armoured butt  
To the sound of the beat  
Look out  
  
Mandalorian bites the dust  
Mandalorian bites the dust  
Lightsaber's on and your head is gone  
Mandalorian bites the dust, eh  
Don't mess with Master Windu  
Mandalorian bites the dust  
  
Hey  
Oh take it  
Bites the dust - bite the dust hey  
Hey  
Mandalorian bites the dust  
Mandalorian bites the dust, ow  
Mandalorian bites the dust, hey hey  
Mandalorian bites the dust, heeey  
Ooh, show down  
  
There are plenty of ways that you can hurt a man  
And bring him to the ground  
You can cut him  
You can gut him  
You can head-butt him and kick him  
When he's down, yeah  
But I'm ready, yes I'm ready for you  
I'm standing on my own two feet  
I can hear you wet yourself  
Trembling to the sound of the beat  
Oh yeah  
  
Mandalorian bites the dust  
Mandalorian bites the dust  
Lightsaber's on and your head is gone  
Mandalorian bites the dust, eh  
Don't mess with Master Windu  
Mandalorian bites the dust  
Shoot out  
Hey, alright


	21. Chewwie

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Just a note: don't fret if my updates are infrequent in the coming weeks. Between exams and the upcoming Christmas season, my time is pretty divided. Don't worry, the song parodies won't be dying for a long time to come.

****

Chewwie

Premise: The toughest Wookiee in a thousand bars throughout the galaxy. Notice the extra W.

To: Christina Aguilera's "Dirrty"

Chewie  
Furry  
Wookiee  
Too furry to clean my hair up  
If you ain't furry... you ain't no Wookiee!  
  
You'd better watch how you move  
Or he'll tear off your arms  
If you make a goof  
Tear off your arms (And chew on your elbows)  
Yes, he'll tear off your arms (And chew on your elbows)  
Tear off your arms (And chew on your elbows)  
  
Ooh, I'm warning you  
Give him some room, He's comin' through  
The swingin', blastin' Kashyyyk dude  
He and Solo gonna shoot up the room  
Blasters firing (he and Han)  
Escape in a hurry (I know I am)  
I don't need that Wookiee stuff  
Fightin' 'til your arms come off  
  
It's explosive, fists are thumpin'  
Still jumpin', without warning  
Tables flying, glasses are smashin'  
No questions, time for some action!  
  
His temper is up (Can you feel it?)  
'Bout to erupt (You bet)  
Cruising the worlds  
Fixing droids  
Making lots of noise...  
  
His name is Chewie  
He's a really big Wookiee  
He's two hundred and thirty  
Shaggy and furry  
Don't start a fight or things will get hairy  
Always musky and mangy  
Just don't get him angry  
Gets mad in a hurry  
Best keep quiet for your survival  
  
Ahh, the game is up  
So everybody, hide your pups  
Maiming you from front to back  
Move your butt, you won't like that  
  
He's a slugger (that's fo' sho')  
You're gonna end up (On the floor)  
You'll get yours if you scoff  
Fightin' 'til your arms come off  
  
Never moping, causes commotion

Fight's still goin', without warning

There's no stoppin', heads keep boppin'  
Skulls are rockin', everyone's talkin'  
  
Give it all you got (but he's a Wookiee)  
He'll hit the spot  
Cruisin' the worlds  
Fixing droids  
Making lots of noise...

Chewie  
He's a really big Wookiee  
He's two hundred and thirty  
Shaggy and furry  
Don't start a fight or things will get hairy  
Always musky and mangy  
Just don't get him angry  
Gets mad in a hurry  
Best keep quiet for your survival

Here he comes  
He's the one you've been waitin' on  
Give up, give it up  
Yo, just shut up  
Or he'll pound your head to the maximum  
Uh oh  
Here he goes  
  
You can tell when the fighting starts to stop  
He's already left the parking lot  
Only because somebody's called the cops  
Uh oh's, here he goes  
Ohh... yeahh...  
  
His name is Chewie  
He's a really big Wookiee  
He's two hundred and thirty  
Shaggy and furry  
Don't start a fight or things will get hairy  
Always musky and mangy  
Just don't get him angry  
Gets mad in a hurry  
Best keep quiet for your survival  
  
His name is Chewie  
He's a really big Wookiee  
He's two hundred and thirty  
Shaggy and furry  
Don't start a fight or things will get hairy  
Always musky and mangy  
Just don't get him angry  
Gets mad in a hurry  
Best keep quiet for your survival

  
His name is Chewie  
He's a really big Wookiee  
He's two hundred and thirty  
Shaggy and furry  
Don't start a fight or things will get hairy  
Always musky and mangy  
Just don't get him angry  
Gets mad in a hurry  
Best keep quiet for your survival


	22. Artoo

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I've kept this one on the back burner for several weeks and was debating whether or not to put it up. But a request is a request, and this one isn't too bad. It's not my best, though.

****

Artoo

Premise: "These astromech droids are most unpredictable. Even I can't comprehend their logic sometimes."

To: Eiffel 65's "Blue"

Yo, listen up   
Here's a story about a little guy that lives as a blue droid   
And all day and all night and everything he sees is just blue like him   
Inside and outside   
Blue is his body with the blue paint job and a blue light   
And everything is blue for him and himself and everybody around   
Cause he ain't got nobody to listen...

Artoo 

Boop boop beep boop beep boop, boop beep beep boop beep boop

Boop boop beep boop beep boop, boop beep beep boop beep boop

Boop boop beep boop beep boop

He's blue

Boop boop beep boop beep boop, boop beep beep boop beep boop

Boop boop beep boop beep boop, boop beep beep boop beep boop

Boop boop beep boop beep boop

People fly blue ships and drink blue milk   
Blue is the color of Admiral Thrawn  
Blue are the seas and skies of Naboo   
I show a hologram, and it is so blue   
Blue are the Twi'lek girls that walk around   
Blue like the lightsabers the Jedi have   
Blue are the sparks I shoot and lights I flash  
Blue are the feelings that live inside me 

Artoo

Boop boop beep boop beep boop, boop beep beep boop beep boop

Boop boop beep boop beep boop, boop beep beep boop beep boop

Boop boop beep boop beep boop

He's blue

Boop boop beep boop beep boop, boop beep beep boop beep boop

Boop boop beep boop beep boop, boop beep beep boop beep boop

Boop boop beep boop beep boop

Inside and outside   
Blue is his body with the blue paint job and a blue light  
And everything is blue for him and himself and everybody around   
Cause he ain't got nobody to listen... 

Artoo

Boop boop beep boop beep boop, boop beep beep boop beep boop

Boop boop beep boop beep boop, boop beep beep boop beep boop

Boop boop beep boop beep boop

He's blue

Boop boop beep boop beep boop, boop beep beep boop beep boop

Boop boop beep boop beep boop, boop beep beep boop beep boop

Boop boop beep boop beep boop


	23. Hit the Snow, Dack

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Ah, the purgatory of exam week is over, and I'm settled in for the holidays. Your Christmas song is coming soon!

****

Hit the Snow, Dack

Premise: A tribute to Luke's squashed Hoth gunner.

To: Ray Charles' "Hit the Road, Jack"

Hit the snow, Dack, and you won't come back no more, no more, no more, no more.

Hit the snow, Dack, and you won't come back no more.

What you say?

Hit the snow, Dack, and you won't come back no more, no more, no more, no more.

Hit the snow, Dack, and you won't come back no more.

Whoa, General Veers, don't treat me so mean,

You're the meanest old Empire that I've ever seen. 

Our armies march across the snow

Dack and I are ready to go.

That's right

Hit the snow, Dack, and you won't come back no more, no more, no more, no more.

Hit the snow, Dack, and you won't come back no more.

What you say?

Hit the snow, Dack, and you won't come back no more, no more, no more, no more.

Hit the snow, Dack, and you won't come back no more.

Now listen, AT-AT, don't ya stomp me this-a way 

Cause I'll be back and blow you up some day. 

Don't care what you do 'cause it's understood

You fight for the Empire, you just ain't no good.

Our speeder's crashed into the snow

Dack went splat, I've got to go

That's right

Hit the snow, Dack, and you won't come back no more, no more, no more, no more.

Hit the snow, Dack, and you won't come back no more.

What you say?

Hit the snow, Dack, and you won't come back no more, no more, no more, no more.

Hit the snow, Dack, and you won't come back no more.

Well, Dack won't come back no more.

Uh, what you say? 

You won't come back no more. 

I can't fly without you 

You won't come back no more.

You can't mean that 

You won't come back no more.

Oh, now Raalter, please

You won't come back no more.

What you tryin' to do to me? 

You won't come back no more.

Oh, my gunner went flat

You won't come back no more.


	24. Fly Wit' Me

AUTHOR'S NOTES: For my ally is caffeine, and a powerful ally it is. Hrrm?

****

Fly Wit' Me

Premise: Why does Han Solo live this way? It must be the money!

To: Nelly's "Ride Wit' Me"

Where's it at? (x8)

  
If you wanna go and take a ride with me  
In the Millennium Falcon with the low fees  
Oh, why do I live this way? (Hey, must be the money!)

If you wanna go and have a fly with me  
Stashin' spice in the back with the Wookiee  
Oh, why must I fly this way? (Hey, must be the money!)

  
In Mos Eisley on the late night, feelin' right  
Lookin', tryin', to spot a customer to ship spice  
Lookin' at an old Jedi I noticed so that I can get paid  
(I can get paid)  
He brought along a kid with an attitude  
Dissin' my ship, kinda snotty, actin' real rude  
But as long as you're a customer I'll take you to Alderaan   
(To Alderaan)  
I'll meet you down at the Docking Bay 94   
Quickly, and not slow (hey)   
Sayin' it's important and I think he's gone loco  
So when, Solo, can we go; how could I just say no?  
My life is tough, but I never ever get bored  
I have to clean up Chewie's hair  
People try to kill me everywhere  
When I smile, all I get is a glare  
And I can see Greedo's gun from way over there

If you wanna go and take a ride with me  
In the Millennium Falcon with the low fees  
Oh, why do I live this way? (Hey, must be the money!)

If you wanna go and have a fly with me  
Stashin' spice in the back with the Wookiee  
Oh, why must I fly this way? (Hey, must be the money!)

  
Even when attacked, I know how to act  
Once I drop you guys off I'm bringin' nothin' back  
You should see the impact, it's fantastic  
'Cuz I have no limits and them hunters can't get past that  
All of this is old hat, wanna get paid  
Watch the asking price change, every time I switch lanes  
It feels strange now  
Makin' a living off my brain, instead of playin' now  
I got the mission from Jabba, put the Empire on end now  
I've really changed, now  
Blowing up TIEs with no shame, now  
It's all a game now (come on), I can't complain now (no more)  
I'm dealin' pain now, in and out and all around  
Blastin' all over the galaxy, and I can see  
Folks tellin' me Boba Fett's after me  
And can I make it? You're right, I can make the next flight  
Payin' cash; first class – or I'll be in carbonite

If you wanna go and take a ride with me  
In the Millennium Falcon with the low fees  
Oh, why do I live this way? (Hey, must be the money!)

If you wanna go and have a fly with me  
Stashin' spice in the back with the Wookiee  
Oh, why must I fly this way? (Hey, must be the money!)

(x2)

  
Hey, Princess, I know somethin' you don't know  
And I've got somethin' to tell ya  
You won't believe how many people kicked me out the door  
They said that I was a failure  
But now I've got bounty hunters askin' me for dough  
And I'm sayin', "I won't help ya"  
"But, Solo, it was so easy, they let us go!"  
Heck no! (What's with you?!) You for real?!

Hey yo, now that I'm a nice guy, and I fly high  
Jabba wants to know why, why I flew by  
But yo, it's all good, I'm doin' what I know I should  
I do what I should – I'm so good, I'm too good  
We be them cool smugglers, wishin' you were too smugglers  
No, we aren't drug dealers, but we can fake it  
Flying the Falcon, there's big dividends  
Troopers come, it's time to leave with you and your friends  
So if Jabba wanna... ship, we're all shippin' this  
And if Jabba wanna... steal, we're all stealin' this  
And if Jabba wanna... sell, we're sellin' all this  
Jabba wanna see the spice, then I get what's his  
Jabba talk, Solo listen; Solo talk, Jabba dissin',  
Forget the sales pitches; when I talk, pay attention  
Stuck with the Princess; one too many near miss  
Just have one more wish - come on Leia, gimme kiss

If you wanna go and take a ride with me  
In the Millennium Falcon with the low fees  
Oh, why do I live this way? (Hey, must be the money!)

If you wanna go and have a fly with me  
Stashin' spice in the back with the Wookiee  
Oh, why must I fly this way? (Hey, must be the money!)

(x2)

Hey, must be the money! (x4)

If you wanna go and take a ride with me  
In the Millennium Falcon with the low fees  
Oh, why do I live this way? (Hey, must be the money!)

If you wanna go and have a fly with me  
Stashin' spice in the back with the Wookiee  
Oh, why must I fly this way? (Hey, must be the money!)


	25. From the Songbooks of Life Day

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Here it is! My 25th song is a Christmas song! May God bless and keep you safe in this holiday season. Merry Christmas!

****

Obi-Wan the Wise Man

Premise: Celebrating the "jolly old soul" of Star Wars.

To: "Frosty the Snowman"

Obi-Wan Kenobi was a brave old Jedi Knight

With some old brown robes and twinkling eyes

And a beard so snowy white

Obi-Wan Kenobi was a fairy tale, they'd say,

Uncle Owen said "no", but Luke did know

That Ben saved his life one day

There must have been some magic

In the atmosphere that day

For all Ben did was wave his hand

And the Stormtroopers looked away

Obi-Wan Kenobi was as wise as he could be

He used the Force, he was good, of course

And he'd be kind to you and me

Zummity zum zum zummity zum zum

Look at Obi-Wan

Zummity zum zum zummity zum zum

Ponda's arm is gone

Obi-Wan Kenobi knew that Vader set a trap

So he said "Don't distress, rescue the princess

Before I get cut in half."

All through the Death Star with a 'saber in his hand,

He ran into Vader, he called him a traitor,

"You are more machine than man."

Their sabers flashed around and round

The Sith and Jedi Knight

And Ben just paused a moment

Because he had to throw the fight

Obi-Wan Kenobi just appeared to fade away

And he waved good-bye, saying "Don't you cry,

For the Force will show the way."


	26. Mind Warp

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I hope you all had a great Christmas. Now, here's a song to help us rock in 2003! And if you haven't heard this song, learn it, for heaven's sake!

Glossary:

Bib Fortuna: Slimy second-in-command with tentacles on his head; "Ne Jabba no bother."

Yarna D'al Gargan: Fat dancer with six… er…

Sy Snootles: Singer with long snout and huge lips.

****

Mind Warp

Premise: The latest dance craze of the outer rim has hit Jabba's palace. Chaos ensues.

To: "Time Warp" from the "Rocky Horror Picture Show" soundtrack.

(scene: Jabba's Palace, night)

Threepio:

Excuse me, but we bring a message for your master, Jabba the Hutt.

Bib Fortuna:

Yessss. You came at the perfect time. The master is having one of his get-togethers.

Threepio:

Oh, lucky him.

Yarna D'al Gargan:

Lucky! Yes! He's lucky, you're lucky, we're all lucky!

(music starts)

Bib:  
It's confounding;  
Jabba is eating;  
Amphibians out of a bowl.  
All is peaceful...  
  
Yarna:  
Not for very much longer.  
  
Bib:  
Prepare to lose control.  
(singing)

I remember doing the mind-warp  
During those moments when  
The madness would hit me  
And the droid would be falling...

(He throws open a door, revealing a cavalcade of dancing girls, alien musicians, pig-guards, and other palace staff, dancing.)

  
Aliens:  
Let's do the mind-warp again.  
Let's do the mind-warp again.

(Artoo projects a holographic display of the specific dance steps. Threepio narrates.)

  
Threepio (spoken):  
It's just a jump to the left.  
  
All (singing):  
And then a step to the right.  
  
Threepio (spoken):  
With your manual appendages on your ileum region.  
  
All (singing):  
And then you groove all night.  
We party with the Hutts

Because we're all insane.  
Let's do the mind-warp again.  
Let's do the mind-warp again.  
  
Yarna:  
It's so freaky, so strange and uniquely.  
This doesn't make sense, no, not at all.  
To outrageous to mention, goes beyond all conventions,  
I needed to buy a triple-strength bra.  
  
Bib:  
With a full bowl of frog dip  
  
Yarna:  
You're high as a spaceship.  
  
Bib:  
And nothing will ever be the same.  
  
Yarna:  
You're spaced out on sensation.  
  
Bib:  
It's just like intoxication.  
  
All:  
Let's do the mind-warp again.  
Let's do the mind-warp again.  
  
Sy Snootles:  
Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think  
When a big fat Hutt let off a bad stink.  
He laughed at me, he took me by surprise.  
He had a big sail barge, and a reptile's eyes.  
He stared at me, and I felt a change.  
My career would never ever be the same again.  
  
All:  
Let's do the mind-warp again.  
Let's do the mind-warp again.  
  
Threepio (spoken):  
It's just a jump to the left.  
  
All (singing):  
And then a step to the right.  
  
Threepio (spoken):  
With your manual appendages on your ileum region.  
  
All (singing):  
And then you groove all night.  
We party with the Hutts

Because we're all insane.  
Let's do the mind-warp again.  
Let's do the mind-warp again.

Let's do the mind-warp again.

---

Oh, no! Here comes Jabba in a leather corset! I think we should end the song here, and fast! 


	27. Breakaway

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Here we are! I don't overlook sensible requests, and this was a good one.

****

Breakaway

Premise: Luke reflects on how his life has changed as he hangs on the antennae below Cloud City.

To: Linkin Park's "Runaway"

Bitter revelations

Under a floating town

Reeling from dissension

Nowhere to go but down

The things Obi-Wan taught me

I learn were never true

Now I find my life in question

(They swing the saber at me again) 

By my father's temptation

(You swing the saber at me again) 

I wanna breakaway

Don't wanna live a lie

I wanna know the truth

Instead of wondering why

I wanna know the answers

No more lies

Not fall anymore

What I want is what I'll find

I hear my father's voices

Beneath my world of pain

It's beyond comprehension

It's driving me insane

Everything I knew about him

These words were never true

Now I find my life in question

(Don't want you lying to me again) 

I'm in desperation

(Don't want you lying to me again) 

I wanna breakaway

Don't wanna live a lie

I wanna know the truth

Instead of wondering why

I wanna know the answers

No more lies

Not fall anymore

What I want is what I'll find

I wanna breakaway 

What I want is what I'll find

I wanna breakaway 

What I want is what I'll find

I wanna breakaway 

What I want is what I'll find

I wanna breakaway 

What I want is what I'll find


	28. Rah Rah Palpatine

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Well, let me say that when I started all this, I never expected to write more than 8 songs and get maybe 20 or so reviews. Breaking 100 reviews, with about 98 of them being positive, was a real milestone.

Somebody has questioned the validity of the G rating for these songs. In my personal opinion, I can't find any material in these songs that I'd be hesitant to expose to children. Surely, some of the original songs (Eminem et al) contain inappropriate material, but my versions contain no harsh language or overtly sexual, violent or hateful references. If Sesame Street could get away with parodying the Beatles to teach children spelling, I think that this is in the same vein. However, if anybody can point out a specific passage they deem inappropriate, I'll be more than happy to up the rating to PG.

****

Rah Rah Palpatine

Premise: A rousing toe-tapper about the Empire's greatest love machine.

To: Boney M / ABBA's "Rah Rah Rasputin"

He ruled the galaxy a long, long time ago

He was old and mean, in his eyes a yellow glow

Most people looked at him with terror and with fear

But in the Republic days he was such a lovely dear

He could quell the Senate with his speeches

Bright as laser fire

But he got too big for his breeches

Power he'd desire

Rah Rah Palpatine

Advisor of the Naboo queen

There was a man that really was wan

Rah Rah Palpatine

Built a mighty war machine

He used it to blow up Alderaan

He had a clone army and a big Death Star

And his second-in-command was the man called Darth Vader

In every situation he was the man to please

And otherwise he'd give your neck a squeeze

Palpatine just loved to sneer and glower

Over all the things he'd done

He told Vader to get them more power

By converting his son

Rah Rah Palpatine

A tyrant like you've never seen

There was a man that really was wan

Rah Rah Palpatine

Built a mighty war machine

He used it to blow up Alderaan

(Spoken:)

But when his killing and pillaging and his hunger

for power became known to more and more people,

the demands to do something about this outrageous

man became louder and louder…

"This man's just got to go!" declared his enemies

But the Rebel Alliance left him quite displeased

No doubt that Palpatine had done a lot of harm

He was quite a brute, and his soldiers were all armed

Then one day he traveled to the forest moon

Set a trap, 'twas all a game

He told Skywalker his friends were all doomed

His anger was inflamed

Rah Rah Palpatine

Skin as dry as Tatooine

He electrified the young Jedi

Rah Rah Palpatine

He was acting really mean,

He said "Skywalker, now you will die!"

Rah Rah Palpatine

His breath smelled like kerosene

But Darth Vader was too strong to control

Rah Rah Palpatine

His demise was unforeseen

And so they threw him into a hole

(Spoken:) Oh, those Imperials... 


	29. Moronic

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I have a couple of retro songs in the works, but I'm trying my best to balance them out with more recent hits, like this one.

****

Moronic

Premise: A catalogue of the Madness of George (my term for really lame developments and decisions in Star Wars).

To: Alanis Morissette's "Ironic"

Anakin Solo was doing great 

Kissed his girl and died the next day 

It's all the things you hear Jar Jar say 

It's the Holiday Special, which even George hates

Isn't it moronic... don't you think? 

It's insane, it leaves you in total dismay 

The Sarlacc looks nice, but the Rancor still looks like clay 

It's the bad advice that George Lucas makes 

And nobody thought to bicker 

Christopher Lee was in Episode II 

He played a mysterious old guy named Count Dooku

He's secretly a Sith Lord, but we already know 

His action figure packaging revealed it 

Three weeks ago

And isn't it moronic... don't you think? 

It's insane, it leaves you in total dismay 

It's like Ani's lines when he's dating Padme 

It's when Greedo fires and misses from three feet away 

And nobody thought to bicker

Well George has a funny way of sneaking up on you 

When you think everything's okay and everything's going right 

And George has a funny way of cheesing you off because 

You know everything's gone wrong and everything blows up 

In your face 

N*SYNC were almost Jedi until the fans bellyached 

Inventing midichlorians – wasn't that a mistake!

It's taking a major hero and squashing him with a moon

It's taking an awesome bounty hunter 

And revealing that he's just a clone

And isn't it moronic... don't you think? 

A little too moronic... and yeah I really do think... 

It's insane, it leaves you in total dismay 

It's the politics that seem to go on for days

All of Ani's whines are just icing on the cake 

And nobody thought to bicker

George has a funny way of sneaking up on you 

George has a funny, funny way of cheesing you off 

Cheesing you off


	30. The Little Podracer From Tatooine a

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Here's one for a road trip, and yet another character who has a song about him! *crosses off Sebulba's name from THE LIST*

****

The Little Podracer From Tatooine-a

Premise: Drag racing on Tatooine – gotta love it! Leave that kid alone, Sebulba!

To: Jan & Dean's "The Little Old Lady From Pasadena"

He's the little podracer from Tatooine-a

He's the little podracer from Tatooine-a

(Go, Ani, go, Ani, go, Ani, go!)

He spends all day tinkering with his machine-a

(Go, Ani, go, Ani, go, Ani, go!)

But lurking in the neighbouring garage

Is Sebulba, hopped up from a double massage

And everybody says that there's nobody meaner

To the little podracer from Tatooine-a

He drives too fast and he plays too hard

He's a terror and he has total disregard

For the little podracer from Tatooine-a

If you see him coming at you don't try to stop him

(Go, Ani, go, Ani, go, Ani, go!)

You can try to beat him but you'll never top him

(Go, Ani, go, Ani, go, Ani, go!)

He's gonna have an accident sooner or later

Because he presses too hard on the accelerator

And everybody says that there's nobody meaner

To the little podracer from Tatooine-a

He drives too fast and he plays too hard

He's a terror and he has total disregard

For the little podracer from Tatooine-a

(Go, Ani, go, Ani, go, Ani, go!)

(Go, Ani, go, Ani, go, Ani, go!)

The spectators come to see him from miles around

Because he leaves the competition smoking on the ground

And everybody says that there's nobody meaner

To the little podracer from Tatooine-a

He drives too fast and he plays too hard

He's a terror and he has total disregard

For the little podracer from Tatooine-a

(Go, Ani, go, Ani, go, Ani, go!)

(Go, Ani, go, Ani, go, Ani, go!)

(Go, Ani, go, Ani, go, Ani, go!)

(Go, Ani, go, Ani, go, Ani, go!)

(Go, Ani, go, Ani, go, Ani, go!)

(Go, Ani, go, Ani, go, Ani, go!)


	31. Sleazebaggano

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This one has been done to death by countless parody writers, but I hope that the info from Episode II, coupled with the passage of time, will give it a fresh slant. Steve Cavanaugh, from SBOTW, wrote a version of this song about R2-D2 ("All his friends say he's quite annoyed for a small droid"), and about 200 people have written variations of "Pretty fly for a Jedi". I hope you enjoy this version.

****

Sleazebaggano

Premise: A tribute to Elan Sleazebaggano, the scruffy-looking death-stick salesman.

To: The Offspring's "Pretty Fly for a White Guy"

"Bargon wan chee kospah."

"Wanna buy some death-sticks?" (Uh-uh! Uh-uh!)

"Wanna buy some death-sticks?" (Uh-uh! Uh-uh!)

"Wanna buy some death-sticks?" (Uh-uh! Uh-uh!)

And everybody says he's quite a nag, for a sleazebag

(Bo dopa duba fwanna k'wanna k'wanna keeta)

You know it's kind of hard 

Just to get along today 

Our subject is a fool 

And he's living the wrong way

He doesn't have a clue 

And he completely lacks style 

And the goods that he carries 

Are not worth your while 

So don't hesitate, he's a degenerate

You know that no-one really likes him anyway 

He'll push his stuff, until you've had enough 

Just say no way, just say no way 

He'll give you your fix, selling you death-sticks, 

And he's played by the guy who was Mouse on The Matrix 

He'll make you quite displeased 

Because (Hey! Hey!) you don't want anything 

"Wanna buy some death-sticks?" (Uh-uh! Uh-uh!)

"Wanna buy some death-sticks?" (Uh-uh! Uh-uh!)

"Wanna buy some death-sticks?" (Uh-uh! Uh-uh!)

And everybody says he's quite a nag, for a sleazebag

He is not a mercenary 

He doesn't smuggle spice 

He's just looking to unload his

Narcotic merchandise 

Lurking in the cantina, hassling everyone he sees 

The girls all stay away from him 

Because he looks diseased 

He sure thinks he's great, but he's a reprobate 

You know he really doesn't get it anyway 

His prices are a steal, 'cuz he can't make a deal 

Every day, in every way 

Sure, he acts real dumb, his brain seems to be numb, 

But Jabba the Hutt would call him his type of scum 

He'll make you quite displeased 

When (Hey! Hey!) you don't want anything

He'll show you his antennae 

And curl them just for fun 

But you'll want to tear them both out by the time he is done

Friends say he's trying too hard 

And he's barely hip 

Because he fried his own mind 

On a really rotten trip 

"Wanna buy some death-sticks?" (Uh-uh! Uh-uh!)

"Wanna buy some death-sticks?" (Uh-uh! Uh-uh!)

"Wanna buy some death-sticks?" (Uh-uh! Uh-uh!)

(Bo dopa duba fwanna k'wanna k'wanna keeta)

So don't berate, he doesn't need your hate 

You can tell he's missing a brain cell or eight 

He doesn't care, he'll pull out his wares 

Just say no way, just say no way 

Don't pull out your knife, don't give him more strife

Because he went home last night and rethought his life

Elan Sleazebaggano 

He's such a nag, you know 

And you should just say no 

When (Hey! Hey!) you don't want anything


	32. Holoprojected

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Ah, and now it is time to deflate Ms. Britney "60% plastic" Spears. I may get around to doing "Slave 4 U" (ick) someday, but for now, here's a Princess Leia song.

****

Holoprojected

Premise: "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope."

To: Britney Spears' "Overprotected"

I need help, droid  
I need space, Vader  
I need... light refraction!  
  
Racing around with the Death Star plans  
But Darth Vader is still so invective  
I've made some mistakes; now he knows where I am  
And now my ship has been detected  
There must be another way  
It's time for taking chances  
But what am I to say?  
What's a girl is to do?  
I hope Kenobi answers...  
  
What can I do to save my life?  
(Stormtroopers coming in a hurry)  
How will I manage to do what's right?  
(There has to be some more ways)  
Now I see a droid on wheels  
So I guess I'll be holoprojected  
  
You don't know what it's like, I won't give up and I still won't  
It's worse than we had expected  
Things that I've been told, I can't believe it could destroy a whole world  
The galaxy must be protected  
There is no another way  
It's time for taking chances  
But what am I to say?  
What's a girl is to do?  
I hope Kenobi answers...  
  
What can I do to save my life?  
(Stormtroopers coming in a hurry)  
How will I manage to do what's right?  
(There has to be some more ways)  
Now I see a droid on wheels  
So I guess I'll be holoprojected

No more time... send it... into space  
  
I leave a message telling that I need Obi-Wan and  
What I, what, what, what I'm gonna do to save the galaxy  
I say no, no... nobody's stopping me from what I'm gonna... do, do  
I'm so fed up with Palpatine and his abominable tyranny...  
  
What can I do to save my life?  
(Stormtroopers coming in a hurry)  
How will I manage to do what's right?  
(There has to be some more ways)  
Now I see a droid on wheels  
So I guess I'll be holoprojected  
  
I leave a message telling that I need Obi-Wan and  
What I, what, what, what I'm gonna do to save the galaxy  
I say no, no... nobody's stopping me from what I'm gonna... do, do  
I'm so fed up with Palpatine and his abominable tyranny...  
  
What can I do to save my life?  
(Stormtroopers coming in a hurry)  
How will I manage to do what's right?  
(There has to be some more ways)  
Now I see a droid on wheels  
So I guess I'll be holoprojected


	33. Bounty Hunters

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Writer's block stinks, doesn't it? I finally churned this one out and I've got a similar one in the wings. I'd like to make up for the fact that my only Boba Fett song is rather vapid.

****

Bounty Hunters

Premise: Who says you don't need their scum?

To: Ray Clark Jr.'s "Ghostbusters"

(Bounty Hunters!)

If your smuggler 

Won't pay up his debt 

Who you gonna call?

(Bounty Hunters!)

If the Millennium Falcon 

Evaded your corvettes 

Who you gonna call?

(Bounty Hunters!)

They ain't 'fraid of your boast! 

They ain't 'fraid of your boast! 

If you've got someone 

That you'd like to see dead 

Who can you call?

(Bounty Hunters!)

Put poisonous worms 

In a senator's bed 

Who you gonna call? 

(Bounty Hunters!)

They ain't 'fraid of your boast! 

They ain't 'fraid of your boast!

Who you gonna call?

(Bounty Hunters!)

If you need a drone 

To make lots of clones 

You can call

(Bounty Hunters!)

They ain't 'fraid of your boast! 

You don't stand a chance! 

They ain't 'fraid of your boast! 

Yeah yeah yeah yeah! 

Who you gonna call? 

(Bounty Hunters!)

If your hired guns

Are on the run, 

Buddy, you better call. 

(Bounty Hunters!)

Let me tell you something: 

Hunting makes me feel good!

They ain't 'fraid of your boast! 

They ain't 'fraid of your boast!

Don't even try to run, oh no! 

(Bounty Hunters!)

If you need some skill 

And an eye for the kill 

I think you better call

(Bounty Hunters!)

Who you gonna call? (Bounty Hunters!)

Who you gonna call? (Bounty Hunters!)

I think you better call! (Bounty Hunters!)

Who you gonna call? (Bounty Hunters!)

I can't hear you! 

Who you gonna call? (Bounty Hunters!)

Louder! (Bounty Hunters!)

Who you gonna call? (Bounty Hunters!)

Who can you call? (Bounty Hunters!)

Who you gonna call? (Bounty Hunters!...)


	34. No More Jedi Knights

AUTHOR'S NOTES: If you've never heard this song, take steps to hear it! There is no excuse for not listening to this song! Paul & Wings rule!

****

No More Jedi Knights

Premise: The Jedi are all but extinct. Obi-Wan is the only one left.

To: Paul McCartney & Wings' "No More Lonely Nights"

I know there's a coming day,   
That I will join you  
We're all so far apart   
I'm hiding in a planetary gutter  
For the other Jedi knights   
Are gone forever  
You know we've got Darth Vader to blame,   
It's such a shame to me,   
Love  
  
I must do what I feel to be right  
No more Jedi knights,   
No more Jedi knights  
I must keep to the Light,   
Day or night, it's so unfair  
  
Oh masters, I only wish that I could hear you  
And if it takes a couple of years   
Until I join you in the hereafter  
  
I must do what I feel to be right  
No more Jedi knights,   
We've lost all the others,   
No more Jedi knights  
I must keep to the Light,   
Day or night, it's so unfair  
  
And I won't go away until my time to go  
No I'll never go away  
  
I must do what I feel to be right  
No more Jedi knights,   
We've lost all the others,   
No more Jedi knights  
I must keep to the Light,   
Day or night, it's so unfair  
  
And I won't go away until my time to go  
No I'll never go away

And I won't go away until my time to go  
No I'll never go away, need more Jedi Knights


	35. Toydarian Rhapsody

AUTHOR'S NOTES: And they said it couldn't be done. Ha ha ha ha ha!

****

Toydarian Rhapsody

Premise: A musical version of the "custody battle" for Anakin's future.

To: Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody"

( ) = Watto singing

[ ] = Anakin singing

{ } = Qui-Gon singing

[Is this my real life?  
Is this temporary?  
Stuck in a slave's life  
What is my destiny?]  
{Open your eyes  
Look up to the skies and see}  
[I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy  
Because I'm a slave, all I know  
I belong to Watto  
And that's the way it goes] (Money's all that matters to me, to me)  
  
[Mama, I just met a man  
With long hair on his head  
And a cute girl in his stead  
Mama, life is not all fun  
Sometimes I think I'd like to go away  
Mama, ooo  
Didn't mean to make you cry  
If I'm not still with you this time tomorrow  
Carry on, carry on, I'll return a few years after]  
  
[Mama, my time has come  
It's all going to be fine  
I will come back in time  
Goodbye Mama - I have to go  
Gotta leave this all behind and end my youth

Mama, ooo - That's the way it goes  
I'll become a Jedi  
And I'll return someday and free you all]  
  
[I see a tiff between Watto and a man]  
(What a mooch! What a mooch!) {All you do is haggle}  
[Will they do the right thing? – They are fighting over me]  
(E pateeso!) {If you say so}  
(E pateeso!) {If you say so}  
(E pateeso!) {Let him go} – (I still say no!)  
  
[But I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me]  
{He's just a poor boy from a poor family  
Spare him his life from this monstrosity}  
(Easy come, easy go) – [Will you let me go?]  
(Ha Chuba! No, I will not let you go) – {Let him go!}  
(Ha Chuba! I will not let you go) – {Let him go!}  
(Ha Chuba! I will not let you go) – [Let me go!]  
(Will not let you go) – [Let me go!] (Never!)  
(Never let you go) – [Let me go!]  
(Never let me go - ooo  
No, no, no, no, no, no, no )  
[Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia, I must go  
Naboo has an angel put aside for me  
for me  
for me]  
  
(So you think you can take what is rightfully mine  
So you think you can scam me, you lousy Jedi  
No maybes - can't do this to me, buddy  
You'd better get out – you'd better get right outta here!)  
  
(Ooh yeah, ooh yeah  
Money's all that matters  
Anyone can see  
Money's all that matters – money's all that matters to me)  
  
(And that's the way it goes...)


	36. The New Battle Station

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Here you go. Play nicely, kiddies.

****

The New Battle Station

Premise: In memory of the noble scumbags that perished when the invincible Death Star went BOOM.

To: P.O.D.'s "The Youth of the Nation"

Last day of the rest of my life 

I wish I would've known 

Cause that was the day that it all went awry 

Alderaan was blown up, not a single one was spared 

The core went boom, they all were doomed 

They didn't have a prayer 

Unaware, I just did what I always do 

Everyday, the same routine 

I thought the Rebels were fools 

But who knew that this day wasn't like the rest? 

Nobody could have guessed 

We'd lose to Rebel pests 

Rebel ships, and they kept on coming 

Turrets were all gunning 

But they didn't hit nothing 

We heard gun blasts, it happened so fast 

Who the heck was this kid? 

His marksmanship was unsurpassed 

This kid was almost in Lord Vader's gloves 

And it seemed for a moment 

He forgot where he was 

His targeting computer was left unplugged 

Whoever he was 

He blew us up because 

We are, we are, the crew of the new battle station 

We are, we are, the crew of the new battle station 

Grand Moff Tarkin, he was doing well 

He controlled many worlds 

And saw his chance to excel 

Ruling through fear and hunting down Rebels 

He was confident and proud 

Saw glory for himself

He wanted to govern all of outer space 

And spread his doctrine 

All over the place 

They recommended that they evacuate 

He gave them the cold shoulder 

By then it was too late 

It looks like we were played for fools 

We didn't know the rules 

We were blown to molecules 

Vader flew with a squadron of TIEs 

No matter how hard they tried 

Not enough Rebels died 

Is this really the way that our story ends? 

I'm sorry, my friends 

I don't comprehend 

We weren't expecting this from the attack

As I died I let loose 

With a mouthful of flak 

We are, we are, the crew of the new battle station

We are, we are, the crew of the new battle station

Are we to blame for the lives that the Empire claims? 

No matter what you say 

We won't be that careless again

They dodged the surface fire, and shot down our TIEs 

Don't nobody know why 

How could we have been so blind? 

I guess that's the way the story goes 

Were we all that dense? 

I really don't know 

There's got to be more to life than this 

There's got to be more than my final 

Analysis 

We are, we are, the crew of the new battle station

We are, we are, the crew of the new battle station


	37. Padawan

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Updates have been infrequent as of late because I've been going through a very emotional time and am seriously re-evaluating my life. Just kidding. I'm lazy.

****

Padawan

Premise: Rock on, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan! The song alternates between the two of them.

To: Van Halen's "Panama"

"Master, what's that sound?" 

"Here he comes, pod racing all around. 

I knew, the prophecy shall soon be true. 

I'll show Anakin Jedi discipline 

Don't you know he's coming back with me?" 

"The boy's too old to learn." 

"I'll train him! 

Padawan, Padawan 

Padawan, Padawan

The boy's real good at fixing machines. 

He has more midichlorians than my eyes have ever seen. 

I knew, the prophecy will soon come true" 

"He's a worthless creature living on a sand dune." 

"Don't you know he's coming back with me?" 

"The boy's too old to learn." 

"I'll train him! 

Padawan, Padawan 

Padawan, Padawan

Yeah, I'll train him to be a Jedi Knight." 

"Don't defy the council, Master. Just come off of it." 

"I don't care even if I have to beg 

I won't take him back." 

"He's whining, I'm sighing. 

I wish that he wasn't here now." 

"Trust my feeling, you should be cheering, 

Things are hopping, we're not stopping now! 

Padawan, Padawan

Padawan, Padawan!"


	38. Luke Acts Like a Baby

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Here's one for all you Aerosmith fans.

****

Luke Acts Like A Baby

Premise: Uncle Owen is disgusted with his whiny nephew.

To: Aerosmith's "Dude Looks Like A Lady"

Da-ha, da-ha, Luke acts like a baby 

Da-ha, da-ha, Luke acts like a baby

Da-ha, da-ha, Luke acts like a baby 

Da-ha, da-ha, Luke acts like a baby

Livin' on a planet of sand 

My nephew works as a farm hand 

He's a troublemaker, like his old man 

He thinks this isn't where he belongs 

He just doesn't understand – be a man

He always has a complaint or whine 

Wastes time at Tosche Station all day 

The boy's always acting out of line 

He thinks he'd have more fun 

At the Academy 

Da-ha, da-ha, Luke acts like a baby 

Da-ha, da-ha, Luke acts like a baby

Da-ha, da-ha, Luke acts like a baby 

Da-ha, da-ha, Luke acts like a baby

What the boy needs to discover 

He's got a lot of acreage to cover 

He's not too keen, here on Tatooine 

I think he'd like to run out on us 

Or race with his T-16 

Da-ha, da-ha, Luke acts like a baby 

Da-ha, da-ha, Luke acts like a baby

Da-ha, da-ha, Luke acts like a baby 

Da-ha, da-ha, Luke acts like a baby

(Owen, stop putting that poor boy down) 

Our nephew is too weak, dear 

(Owen, stop putting that poor boy down) 

Puny, puny, puny, all right 

(Owen, stop putting that poor boy down) 

Turn the other cheek, dear 

(Owen, stop putting that poor boy down) 

Puny, puny, puny! Sue me! 

Ooh, what a whiny baby 

Oh, he whines and whines and whines and whines, yeah 

Oh, he's such a baby

Oww!

Da-ha, da-ha, Luke acts like a baby 

Da-ha, da-ha, Luke acts like a baby

Da-ha, da-ha, Luke acts like a baby 

Da-ha, da-ha, Luke acts like a baby


	39. You Cut Off My Head

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Better two months late than never, eh? I had a tough time getting a hook on this song because of the irregular meter.

****

You Cut Off My Head

Premise: Sort of like "Mandalorian Bites the Dust", but from Jango's perspective.

To: Linkin Park's "A Place For My Head"

I watched Jango

Fett fight the Jedi in the big fight

Underneath the hot desert sun

Mud and dirt were thrown across the dunes entombing

The fallen droids and padawans

Amongst this dangerous activity, they fought

Hotly and rapidly, then Mace

Turned around, cleanly decapitating

Jango's head from his vertebrae

It's just the Jedi versus the hunter

In the arena on Geonosis

Jango against Mace, one would succeed

And guess what happened next

I can't believe that I lost to Mace

How he's beating me I don't understand

(I see it's not meant to be) 

You have too much energy, you are my enemy

You cut off my head

I can't believe it to be true, that

I've been beaten by Windu and now

It is much too late to argue

I remember back then who I was

I used to be calm, used to be strong

Used to be dangerous, but I should've known that I'd

Someday be overcome, now I see

How brutal it is, on the ground, I know

It's just the Jedi versus the hunter

In the arena on Geonosis

Jango against Mace, one would succeed

And guess what happened next

It was the Jedi versus the hunter

In the arena on Geonosis

Jango against Mace, one would succeed

And guess what happened next

I can't believe that I lost to Mace

How he's beating me I don't understand

(I see it's not meant to be) 

You have too much energy, you are my enemy
    
    You cut off my head

You took away my head from me

Go away

You took away my head from me

Go away

You took away my head from me

Go away

You took away my head from me

Go away

You took away my head from me

Go away

You took away my head from me

Go away

You took away my head from me

Go away

You took away my head from me

Go away

I can't believe that I lost to Mace

How he's beating me I don't understand

(I see it's not meant to be) 

You have too much energy, you are my enemy

You cut off my head

Shut...up!

It's just the Jedi versus the hunter

In the arena on Geonosis

Jango against Mace, one would succeed

And guess what happened next

It's just the Jedi versus the hunter

In the arena on Geonosis

Jango against Mace, one would succeed

You know what happened next


	40. Jump Into The Ocean

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Actually, I think that doing a duet with Jar Jar wouldn't bring down Kylie's career any more than it already is.

****

Jump Into The Ocean

Premise: "De moto grande safe place twood be Otoh Gunga."

To: Little Eva / Kylie Minogue's "Locomotion"

I'm scared of all these robots, nearly wet my pants now

(C'mon Jedi, jump into the ocean)

I hear them coming closer,

We have just one chance now

(C'mon Jedi, jump into the ocean)

There's a floating city underneath the seas

A place where we can hide out from our enemies

So come on, come on, 

Jump into the ocean with me

You gotta take a dip now

Come on Jedi, jump in, hmmm, kick back

Come on, keep swimming, don't look back

Now that I've returned, I'm sure

I'm in for pain, now

(C'mon Jedi, jump into the ocean)

They say that I have nothing working in my brain, now

(C'mon Jedi, jump into the ocean)

Now that I've been captured, I really wish

I'd rather have been eaten by a goober fish

But come on, come on,

Jump into the ocean with me

Into the ocean

Come on, come on

Into the ocean

Come on, come on

Into the ocean,

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on

I thought that Otoh Gunga would be full of commotion

(C'mon Jedi, jump into the ocean)

But suddenly Boss Nass agreed to your notion

(C'mon Jedi, jump into the ocean)

Since you've saved my life, I owe a life-debt to you

I'll even take your bongo

Through the core of Naboo

So come on, come on, go into the ocean with me

We're gonna take a dip now

Come on Jedi, jump in, hmmm kick back

Come on, keep going, don't look back

Jump into the, jump into the, jump into the ocean

(Come on, Jedi, go into the ocean)

Jump into the, jump into the, jump into the ocean

(Come on, Jedi, go into the ocean)

As we dive in deeper, I can't help but feel,

We are going to end up as a big fish's meal

But come on, come on

Go into the ocean 

Come on, come on

Go into the ocean 

Come on, come on

Go into the ocean with me

(Into the ocean)

Come on, come on

Go into the ocean

Come on, come on

Go into the ocean…


	41. Qui Gon Jinn

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I think I've found a song that fits Qui-Gon well.

****

Qui-Gon Jinn

Premise: One day a Jedi showed up and changed Anakin's life.

To: Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean"

A Jedi had a wrecked machine, here on Tatooine

I said I don't mind, but what do you mean I am The One

Bring balance to the Force all around

He said I am The One, bring balance to the Force all around

He told me his name was Qui-Gon Jinn, as I brought him in

Then every head turned; surprised he claimed that I was The One

Bring balance to the Force all around

Then Padme told me they had to save Naboo

But they needed to buy the correct parts

And mother always told me 'Be careful, Ani love'

Be careful of what you do 'cause people depend on you

Qui-Gon Jinn is not my master

He's just a man who claims that I am The One

Being a Jedi would be fun

He says I am The One, but I have to leave my mom

Joining with the Jedi Knights

With a saber at my side

I understand, that I'm in demand

'Cuz they believe I can

Bring balance to the Force all around

I think that would be nice, I didn't even have to think twice

(Don't think twice)

He told me his name was Qui-Gon Jinn, as I brought him in

Then every head turned; surprised he claimed that I was The One

Bring balance to the Force all around

Then Padme told me they wanted me to come too

I won the race, they had the correct parts

My mom said goodbye to me

Happiness mixed with gloom

This happened way too soon

We walked across the dunes

Qui-Gon Jinn is not my master

He's just a man who claims that I am The One

Being a Jedi would be fun

He says I am The One, but I have to leave my mom

(repeat, fade)


	42. One Geek

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Barenaked Ladies anybody else. Search your feelings, you know it to be true.

****

One Geek

Premise: So this is why I can't get a date. The character in this song isn't based on me (mostly), but is sort of the common public interpretation of a Star Wars fan. If you understand all of these references, you're as bad as me.

To: Barenaked Ladies' "One Week"

It was "one geek"

That's what you called me

Just because I'm waiting in line for Episode III

Five days ago you laughed at me

Said "Go get a life and come back and see me"

It's been three days since the afternoon

I had a mock lightsaber battle in your bedroom

Yesterday you broke up with me

And now I'm gonna sulk 'til you say you're sorry

Holy cow Jake Lloyd's acting stinks

Dumb like Jar Jar Binks

I prefer Kevin J. Anderson

Good times with my favourite myth

Though I love Dark Lords of the Sith

I always cheer for Luke Skywalker or Obi-Wan

Outer space battles are good times

You know it's not a crime

Have you ever seen the flying shoe?

John Williams has the mad hits

Think I'm a half-wit?

Well, I can use the Force to choke you

Don't forget about Boba Fett

Because he'll catch Han Solo yet

And did you know that Palpatine would be a traitor?

Got to see the show, 'cause then you'll know

The status quo is going to go

It will be so cool when Ani becomes Darth Vader

How can I help it if my quoting Star Wars makes you mad?

This is better than just following a passing fad

"Barra mel boska, chuba jee furell."

Can't understand what I said? Well, you soon will

I have a tendency to speak my heart in Huttese

I have a history of getting real hurt

It's been one week since you looked at me

Threw your arms in the air and said "You're crazy"

Five days since you stomped on me

When I tried to use a mind trick to get an apology

It's been three days since the afternoon

You told me you'd seen better hygiene in a baboon

Yesterday you called the cops on me

And now I'm going to stay mad 'til you say you're sorry

Having a war with my action figures

Making my collection grow even bigger

Reading books written by Tim Zahn

They're about Admiral Thrawn

I hope the Noghri are in this one

Like Harrison Ford I'm getting stocky

Like Han I'm cocky

Like Jar Jar guaranteed to mortify

Like Kurosawa, George makes great films

Okay, they're the same films

But with Jedi instead of samurai

Joining all of the fan clubs

Ignoring all the social snubs

I can just pretend I'm flying in my X-Wing

And I assume the forest moon

Should have been doomed and went up boom

Killed the Ewoks – we hate those little daft things

How can I help it if my liking Star Wars makes you mad?

This is better than just following a passing fad

"Barra mel boska, chuba jee furell."

Can't understand what I said? Well, you soon will

I have a tendency to speak my heart in Huttese

I have a picture of Darth Vader on my shirt

It's been one week since they set me free

I went over to your house and said I'm sorry

Five days since I flattered you

I said you were prettier than the Queen of Naboo

It's been three days since the afternoon

I bought you flowers the size of a small moon

Yesterday you smiled at me

But you still say that you'd rather kiss a Wookiee

Yes, you still say that you'd rather kiss a Wookiee

Yes, you still say that you'd rather kiss a Wookiee

Just for that crack, I won't share my cookies


	43. You've Lost The Fleeing Falcon

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Well, it looks like I've sparked an uprising of the Star Wars Geek Jihad. Who says one solitary voice can't make a difference?

****

You've Lost The Fleeing Falcon

Premise: This is the last song Admiral Needa heard before Vader "accepted" his apology.

To: The Righteous Brothers' "You've Lost That Loving Feeling"

Your assignment was, looking for 

One lousy ship 

And you made such a mess, and let it roar, 

Through your fingertips 

You're sweating as you tell it to Vader 

But Vader, already knows it 

You've lost the fleeing Falcon 

Oh, the fleeing Falcon 

You've lost the fleeing Falcon 

Now it's gone, gone, gone 

Whoa-oh 

Now there's no tenderness 

In my eyes when I strangle you 

You knew that I would scrutinize 

Everything you do 

It is pretty terrifying, buddy 

'Cause buddy, someone dutiful's dying 

You've lost the fleeing Falcon 

Oh, the fleeing Falcon 

Bring back that fleeing Falcon 

But it's gone, gone, gone 

And you won't live on 

No-oh-oh 

Buddy, buddy, you know that I am displeased with you 

You had a promising career, you know it's true 

When you screwed up 

Screwed up, screwed up, you had a debt to pay 

And you... you... you let it slip away 

Bring back that fleeing Falcon 

Oh, the fleeing Falcon 

Bring back that fleeing Falcon 

Now it's gone...gone...gone... 

And you won't live on... 

No-oh-oh...


	44. Wild Wild Fett

AUTHOR'S NOTES: THE EXPERTS AGREE!!!

"_I love your work, you're a guy very much after my own heart… I get a lot of guys sending me their songs but only one or two guys actually fit the original songs and can get past simple rhyming, and you're definitely up there, probably the best_." – Steven Cavanaugh, parody master of Songbook of the Whills

Okay, enough of blowing my own horn. I know that updates aren't as frequent as they've been in the past, but don't start digging my grave just yet. While I would love to do this for a living (i.e. have no other responsibilities, get paid, etc.), real life must occasionally intrude. And yes, the well of song ideas isn't overflowing anymore, it's far from dry. I'm working on a few right now, and I have a few requests to look into. As to how long I'll be able to keep this up, the only answer I'll commit to is that I'll keep putting parodies up here as long as I'm able to keep up the standard of quality. I'd rather write 60 good parodies and quit than write 100 lousy parodies. Whether or not I do hit the 100 mark, I'll keep this story up forever. Yes indeed, these songs are going to be a part of this site until the very site croaks and dies (which won't be for a very long time). Finally, don't think I take all of the reviews for granted. Feedback is my creative intravenous; if I had received no reviews, I would have given up long ago. I plan to do a reviewer tribute once I reach 50.

As for this song, I hacked away at most of it, since it has way to many layers to parody at once. I only parodied the "top" layer, and you can add all of that wickie-wickie nonsense yourself. Anyhoo, I think I've finally done a song that does Boba Fett justice.

Wild Wild Fett 

Premise: The toughest hired gun in the galaxy.

To: Will Smith's "Wild Wild West"

Wild wild Fett

Boba Fett, bounty hunter

Mercenary, ain't there nobody blunter

None of this, out-gunnin' this, or just stunnin' this

Mandalore soldier, look it's like I told ya

Any fugitive who's owing a debt

Be in a cold sweat when he meets Boba Fett

Sure bet, if you're hiding somewhere in space

Watch your back or flinch and get a hole in your face

In anyplace, just you be trustin' me

You'll either end up dead or in my custody

For the highest bid, since I was a kid, hunting's my game

Boba Fett, I'm your threat, so remember the name

Now who ya gonna call?

Not the IG's

Now who you gonna call?

F. E. double T.

If I'm lookin' for you don't try to hide,

Give up, before you get flash-fried, by the

(The Wild Wild Fett)

When you're runnin' from the

(The Wild Wild Fett)

Heavy gunnin' from the

(The Wild Wild Fett)

Getting pounced on by the

(The Wild Wild Fett)

You can't escape from

The Wild Wild Fett

You can't escape from

The Wild Wild.. c'mon

Now, now, now

Now I'm doing what I do best

Chasin' the Falcon at Vader's behest

Solo, running around with a Princess

Now I must, put his skills to the test

Do you fear me?

Out from the shadows, ready to hassle, ready to battle

Bring all your droids in, guns a' noising

Behind my back, all that shooting you did,

Now I got you, now where's your guts at, kid?

Don't run from me!

Put a mark on my own mother, for enough wealth

Claiming all the big dough, and keep it for myself

You know Boba Fett's a mad man, do you fear that?

I got big weapons too; I hope you hear that

I'm the bounty hunting champion

Anyone who disagrees will meet my gun!

Understand me son, I'm the sickest there is

I'm the quickest there is 

Did I say I'm the trickiest there is?

So if your hide has a, bounty, I'm comin'

Don't be startin' nothin', me and my weapons gonna combust your chest, gutless

Can't stand the heat, then give up to the Wild, Wild, Fett 

You can't escape, from,

The Wild Wild Fett

You can't escape, from,

The Wild Wild...

You can't escape ('SCAPE) from (FROM) the Wild Wild Fett (THE WILD WILD FETT)

You can't escape ('SCAPE) from (FROM)

The Wild Wild Fett (THE WILD WILD FETT) 

Shootout! 

Shootout! 

Shootout!

Shootout! 

Shootout! 

Shootout!

If any outlaw, overdrawn, thinkin' you're bad

Any runnin' from Fett, best by an Olympiad

Don't even think about it, big guns, flyin' Slave I

Make you crash and burn (three… two… one...) just for fun, son *BOOM*

Time for the showdown, blastin' around

See where fugitives are to be found and run 'em aground

I'm huntin' with the best, leavin' nothin' for the rest

Don't mess with me, cause I am the

The Wild Wild Fett

You can't escape, from,

The Wild Wild Fett

You can't escape, from,

The Wild Wild..The Wild Wild Fett

You can't escape, from,

The Wild Wild Fett

You can't escape, from,

The Wild Wild..

You can't escape, from,

The Wild Wild Fett, c'mon

You can't escape, from,

The Wild Wild Fett (The Wild Wild Fett)

…


	45. Green Dyed Girl

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Ba doo da ba doo ba doo da ba doo ba doo da ba doo da…

****

Green-Dyed Girl

Premise: Jabba remembers Oola, his dancing girl who perished under most unfortunate circumstances.

To: Jimmy Buffett's "Brown Eyed Girl"

Hit it, Max Rebo  
But it's such a shame  
I want to see the show  
But it won't be the same  
  
Spinnin' and a turnin'  
Skippin' and a jumpin'  
As I ate a bowl of frogs  
She was really somethin'  
It was her, my green-dyed girl  
Her, my green-dyed girl  
  
Now whatever happened?  
I think you all should know  
The forgot that she was mine   
Had too much bravado  
  
Yankin' on her silver chain  
I had enough of her gall  
Slippin' and a slidin'  
In the rancor's pit she'd fall   
It was her, my green-dyed girl  
Her, my green-dyed girl  
  
She'd move to the tempo when  
Sy Snootles sang  
Pa wa la la la la la la la la la ti da  
Pa wa la la la la la la la la la ti da  
  
Now my other dancer Lyn Me  
Is dancing on her own  
It seems like it was just the other day  
The rancor chewed Oola's bones  
  
I guess I was just bored  
I had too much to be thinkin' 'bout  
She gave me that green sass   
Her career was done   
Poor her, my green-dyed girl  
She'd move to the tempo when  
Sy Snootles sang  
Pa wa la la la la la la la la la ti da

…


	46. I'm Not Going To Hit A Thing

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I finally got a Stormtrooper song up here! And it's… another Aerosmith song.

I'm Not Going To Hit A Thing

Premise: A Stormtrooper laments his pitiful accuracy. Are these guys lousy shots or what?

To: Aerosmith's "I Don't Want To Miss a Thing"  


  
I don't know how long I'm going to keep on breathing,  
'Cause the casualties are heaping,  
And I can hear my comrades screaming,  
I just can't convince the Rebels to surrender,  
I could stay lost in this firefight forever,  
How to fire straight and true I simply can't measure,  
  
Don't know what's wrong with my eyes, I shoot like I'm half asleep,  
'Cause I missed again, and I'm not going to hit a thing,  
When I fire a shot or two, the blaster bolt just goes askew,  
'Cause I missed again, and I'm not going to hit a thing  
  
My battalion is taking quite a beating,  
In this armor I'm hot and steaming,  
In this helmet it's hard just seeing,  
Then I squint my eyes and put my hands together,  
But it proves to be no use, I'll keep missing forever, and forever and ever  
  
Don't know what's wrong with my eyes, I shoot like I'm half asleep,  
'Cause I missed again, and I'm not going to hit a thing,  
When I fire a shot or two, the blaster bolt just goes askew,  
'Cause I missed again, and I'm not going to hit a thing  
  
That last one was off by a mile,  
Yet another lousy miss,  
It shot off into the blue, I know it's true,  
'Nother miss, that one wasn't even close,  
I feel myself start to lose my mind  
The Rebels say it's like an omen,  
They get away all the time  
  
Don't know what's wrong with my eyes, I shoot like I'm half asleep,  
'Cause I missed again, and I'm not going to hit a thing,  
When I fire a shot or two, the blaster bolt just goes askew,  
'Cause I missed again, and I'm not going to hit a thing

…


	47. Walking In The Sun

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Ah, the famous Stormtrooper-Clones argument. It's always been my opinion that by the time of the Original Trilogy, most of the clones had died out, and the Imperial Infantry was mostly made of enlisted men. After all, there's an Imperial Academy; how do you study to be a clone? In any event, I've finally made a song about C-3P0.

****

Walking In The Sun

Premise: C-3P0 has a few choice words for the "near-sighted scrap pile" after the hazardous crash-landing on Tatooine.

To: Smash Mouth's "Walkin' On The Sun"

It is no joke, I'd like to see you up in smoke

And teach you not to mix me in your fallacies

You took me from dodging the fire of our pyre

But you brought me along for a slow death of entropy

You know it's a fact, now we never can go back.

Our prognosis is bad, even worse than our impact

When we were crashing and smashing in our miniature ship

I'd like to give your central processor a terminal tweak

So go away right now, you're on your own in this drought

Enjoy it while you're alive, because you'll never survive

And if you follow me, I'll ignore your sorrow

Because there is no mission, you might as well be walking in the sun

Just a few hours ago we showed up and we strode up

On our merry way to Alderaan and together we rode

And we cracked up after taking lots of gunfire

All the shooting and the scrapping, oh, whatever happened?

Everything was unwound, we were junkyard-bound

Were going to fall down and not get back up, you

Can't fight against the meltdown

Then you went into a hatch and I heard a small click

Then we were crashing and smashing in our miniature ship

So go away right now, you're on your own in this drought

Enjoy it while you're alive, because you'll never survive

And if you follow me, I'll ignore your sorrow

Because there is no mission, you might as well be walking in the sun

It is no joke; I'd like to see you worn and broke

Too many years your warranty should have been revoked

Our friendship's broke up, so choke up, and focus, time you've woke up

The Maker's not going to save you with some magic hocus-pocus

I'm going to step back, look back, and watch your hide get bushwhacked

Or see your system suffer from a dust-clog attack

Go away, you quack, before the heat puts you away

And don't come begging for forgiveness, it's too little too late

So go away right now, you're on your own in this drought

Enjoy it while you're alive, because you'll never survive

And if you follow me, I'll ignore your sorrow

Because there is no mission, you might as well be walking in the sun

Might as well be walking in the sun (x4)


	48. Seven

AUTHOR'S NOTES: First of all, I apologize PROFUSELY for the lag. Between final exams and seeking summer employment, I've been swamped for weeks.

Seven 

Premise: There will not be Episodes VII, VIII and IX. Instead of feeling depressed, we should be thankful for the six movies we have. Besides, considering the decay in quality of late, I think that we should stop Lucas before he goes completely senile.

To: Bryan 'Canada Apologizes' Adams/DJ Sammy's "Heaven"

Oh, I can remember my younger years

Star Wars films only numbered three

Then we heard of a new trilogy

Now people mourn the lack of a final three

We've all been burned before

That's over now

This world doesn't need any more

Six films are all that I want

When I'm battling among the stars

Six films are all that I need

Who needs seven?

If the saga ends with part III,

A third trilogy doesn't need to start,

Six are good enough for me,

Who needs seven?

Now don't be sad 'cuz there's no final three

The story's fully told, anyway

Best it ends now

This is all I have to say

Six films are all that I want

When I'm battling among the stars

Six films are all that I need

Who needs seven?

If the saga ends with part III,

A third trilogy doesn't need to start,

Six are good enough for me,

Who needs seven?

Prequels hit a snag or two,

But there's good times and the bad

But they're still the best; it's true,

Who needs seven?

Don't give into your greed

You know that Star Wars is a breed apart

Six films are satisfactory

Who needs seven?

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Who needs seven?


	49. The Girl That The Bad Guys Want

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I figured that I should do a more recent song, so I whipped out this one. I hope you enjoy it.

The Girl That The Bad Guys Want 

Premise: Don't develop a crush on a princess on the run from the Empire.

To: Bowling for Soup's "The Girl All The Bad Guys Want"

Is it wrong? Is it right? She's debating  
To put a stop to the Empire's cruel tyranny  
Her name is Leia, she's a princess with a calling  
She'll disobey, the commands of that old guy Palpatine  
  
And when she talks, all the Empire's spies are listening  
Her life is in jeopardy  
  
She's going to get arrested  
Or maybe just vaporized  
Consorting with known Rebels  
Transmissions from their spies  
  
I think her cause is groovy; it means a lot to me, but I'm just too puny,  
A Stormtrooper would shoot me, I'll keep her away from me,  
Because she's the girl that the bad guys want...

She's the girl that the bad guys want…  
  
She leads the attack while brave men are in shortage  
I hear the Emperor is getting really mad at her dad  
Some say she's just a fool, or is it courage?  
Now I hear she's got her hands on swiped Death Star plans  
  
And when she talks, all the Empire's spies are listening  
Her life is in jeopardy  
  
She's going to get arrested  
Or maybe just vaporized  
Consorting with known Rebels  
Transmissions from their spies  
She's got a lot of panache,  
Freedom fighter, first class  
The opposite what I am  
Does that make her more of a man?  
  
I think her cause is groovy; it means a lot to me, but I'm just too puny,  
A Stormtrooper would shoot me, I'll keep her away from me,  
Because she's the girl that the bad guys want...  
She's the girl that the bad guys want…

  
There she goes again to Alderaan  
With croissants in her hair  
She's pure in heart, though they call her a traitor  
And now I can see here comes Darth Vader  
  
I don't want to be arrested  
Or shot down by a fleet of TIEs  
Identified as a bad Rebel  
Droid's needles in my eyes  
I'd just end up bushwhacked and I'm just wimpy working class  
I don't want a slow death  
  
I think her cause is groovy; it means a lot to me, but I'm just too puny,  
A Stormtrooper would shoot me, I'll keep her away from me,  
Because she's the girl that the bad guys want...  
(x8)  
Cause she's the girl that the bad guys want…


	50. Cantina Band WITH Reviewer Tribute

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Boo-ya! The big 5-0 at last!

****

Cantina Band

Premise: A song for Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes. Also, this is a sort of companion to one of Steve Cavanaugh's songs. You'll understand most of the references if you've read_ Tales From The Mos Eisely Cantina_.

To: Billy Joel's "Pianoman"

It's midday down at Chalmun's place

In this dwelling of violence and sin

There's a Devonian sitting next to me

Making eyes at the Tonnika twins

He says "D'an, can you play me a memory

I'm not really sure how it goes

But it's sad and it's sweet and I sang every beat

When I watched the Rebels decompose"

La de da, da de daa, la da da de da, da da…

Play us a song, you're the cantina band

Play us a song tonight

Because even we scum like a melody

In the background when we start to fight

The man at the bar sends chills up my spine

He's creepy and shadowy

I wish that he'd choke on the pipe that he smokes

But alas, now he's looking at me

He says "Sir, all this racket is killing me"

As he stares off somewhere in space

"Now I want you to play that thing properly

Or I'll suck the soup out of your face."

Feltipern Travagg is having fun

On the last date of his life

He's out with Nightlily, which is stupid and silly

She cuts her dates with her tongue-knife

And a Jedi is using his mental tricks

As an Aqualish slowly gets stoned

When they fight, just one swipe with a laser sword

And Ponda's left with a stump and a moan

Play us a song, you're the cantina band

Play us a song tonight

Because even we scum like a melody

In the background when we start to fight

It's like this more or less every day

The working conditions are vile

But it's the only way we are going to earn money

So I guess we'll be here for a while

And the customers slobber like carnivores

While the atmosphere smells like cheap beer

And Wuher at the bar gives a shout from afar

He says "We don't serve your kind in here!"

Play us a song, you're the cantina band

Play us a song tonight

Because even we scum like a melody

In the background when we start to fight

REVIEWER TRIBUTE 

Some people criticize authors who refuse to accept unsigned reviews. They say that this is unfair to casual readers, visitors, and "people too lazy to sign in". While this is true to a point, I stand by my position. I've noticed that authors who give free rein to the public to review invariably end up with at least a few anonymous reviews consisting of "U SUCK" and "Y00 r GAY", regardless of the actual quality of the work. I feel that if somebody wishes to comment negatively on somebody else's work, they should have enough confidence to display their own work. Every time I receive a review from a new reader, I make it a point to examine their portfolio, and have been pleased that so many delightful authors of different temperaments, styles and preferences have been reading what I write. I also feel as though I have made an impact on the "community" of Star Wars writers. Therefore, I decided to give back by doing this tribute to everybody who has reviewed my first 50 parodies.

Guardian Spirit: You were my first reviewer! Thanks, you trendsetter!

Padawan Jess Kenobi: To paraphrase the Beatles: Can't get these bloody tunes out of your head, eh?

Lady Tauntaun: I am pleased that I have amused you, milady.

Alexa Wessner: You are the first fellow parodist to comment. Thanks for the encouragement.

Ms. Sweetie Pie: Perhaps the first to comment on the structure of the songs. I'm glad I made you all emotional. Doooode look lika lay-daaaay! Sorry.

Essie Aster: I believe you were the first to put me on a favourite author's list. Yay!

remnants-2011: I aim to please, dude.

Kazzy: You said I was "brilliant". That's a terrific compliment.

Culf: Rap beautiful? Stranger things have happened!

"Lady" Blade Malfoy Celebare: I think that you are definitely my biggest fan, hands-down. You've been the longest-standing "serial reviewer", and your comments and feedback have gotten me through many a low time. I know that this is a weak form of thanks, but don't ever think I don't appreciate it. "It's for people like you that I keep living on." Oh, man. Now I'm getting mushy.

Seiko: From one insane-amount-of-chapters writer to another, thanks.

lener: A gift? Aw, look. I'm blushing.

Knight de Fire: I agree. Mush and midichlorians are no-nos.

FallenAngel: I'm so touched that you would take the time to share this with friends and family. That means a lot to me.

Lightbulby29: Another "serial reviewer". I'm glad that you like my stuff, and sometimes you appear to be analysing them more than even I did!

lynnxlady: What can I say? Making somebody laugh is what I live for. And yes, Ani is light-years from the awesome Sith we all know.

dragonlover9: Applauding over the Internet is no easy task. I wish hugs weren't the same way.

Elfreims Pie: I gotta love the wackier reviews. I've never been called a [censored] genius before. I also love your messed-up Star Wars subtitles.

Hollyhobbit: Now I've got them swooning! I love these people!

JediCandii: Yeah, the Eminem songs became popular beyond my wildest dreams.

jedioftheorchestra: Your name conjures up an interesting mental picture in my mind. Thanks for your time!

Jelp: Another person saying I have a gift. You are too kind.

Satine Kenobi: Thanks for the encouragement. And I do hope you get over your tuberculosis soon. (dumb joke)

Iarejedi: Iarethankful!

Holly Graham: You've touched on exactly what I'm trying to do. Keep the balance between the original song and the new material, which is crucial for a good parody.

baru-chan: I hope you and your sister didn't suffer oral damage trying to sing that song. And was I angsty enough for you?

"kitty" k8therabidelf: Not only am I thankful that you enjoy my work, but you deserve thanks for being the only person brave enough to review my laughably awful Rocky Horror parody.

Dark Jedi Girl: Jar Jar aside, I see that we see eye to eye.

Dragonfly: Thanks loads!

jedi-hobbit: Yeah, I hoped that a Hutt singing opera would cause a smile.

PsychoDude: Thanks, man. Yeah, Avril should pay my dental bills for all the times I grind my teeth during her so-called "music".

Vana Burke: It's good to know that the Avril fans have no hard feelings.

Lady Arabella Sedai: My only negative reviewer. Thanks for the… um… constructive criticism.

Vicki Vance: Yes, Vicki. Reading all of the songs is a task undertaken only by a precious few.

jedi-sylvar: Thanks a lot for the encouraging words.

Puggy: Merci, Puggy.

brey's master: I hope your servant brey liked them as well.

Mithril Spatula: You have a wacky name and quote Daffy Duck. You're a person after my own heart!

christianjames: I promise to keep writing until I end up pouring out nothing but a bunch of crap. How's that for a promise?

Kiera Kingsley: You're welcome, you're welcome, you're welcome!!! :D

IamaJedi: Nice feedback on a variety of songs. And I'm not afraid to say it, I just choose not to.

Paris: I didn't start this expecting to do one Linkin Park song, let alone three, but it's broadened my musical library considerably.

CHTD1303: Thank you, Mr… um, Miss… er, C.

jedielf: Thanks a lot. I have nightmares now.

Lady Storm: You could live off this? So could I!

JediGrl: I'm glad you love them all. What a nice thing to say!

Huinesoron: Don't think I've forgotten your requests. I'll get to them sooner or later.

JediMasterWhit: GEEK POWER! WOO!

soxfairy6: Thanks a million.

Jaina Solo Fel: Yeah, admitting you're obsessed is the first step to recovery. Not that we want to recover, of course.

Suicidal-Air: tyvm!

Jeniveela: Yeah, a fellow BNL fan! I'll admit, "One Week" is really hard to parody (I never liked Weird Al's version about Jerry Springer), and if it didn't click so well, I'd have given up.

Glo Scribner: It's nice to meet somebody else who really appreciates the classics. I have a few of those, I assure you!

Seul Desir: I hope that this was an enjoyable lunch period for you.

cookie-crazy: Grease? Well, I'll see what I can do. I'll keep you posted.

SaraMcGregor: I was hoping the songs are entertaining even when the song is unknown.

Aman'mai: Another "serial reviewer"! Thanks for your time.

Mona Lisa: Hope I preserved that famous smile. I enjoyed your parody as well. Keep at it!

I hope I didn't miss anybody. Thanks again to everybody!


	51. Star Wars Geek

AUTHOR'S NOTES: When I identify the performer of a song, I usually include who first performed it and, if applicable, who is most famous for performing it. You may have noticed that I've gone back and altered a few of the credits on my songs to reflect this.

****

Star Wars Geek

Premise: Another 'geeks unite' song, this time with a disco edge.

To: Rick James' "Super Freak"

He's a very quirky dude  
He's still living with his mother  
He fancies himself a padawan  
As well as bounty hunting elite, ow dude  
  
He likes Chewie, Luke and Han  
He says Leia's his all-time favourite  
There's posters in his bedroom of the Jedi  
He's never hard to tease  
  
That dude is pretty weird now  
The dude's a Star Wars geek  
The kind of dude you read about  
In Star Wars magazines  
That dude is pretty quirky  
The dude's a Star Wars geek  
I'd really like to deck him  
Every time we meet  
He's no knight, he's no knight  
He's no Jedi knight to me, yeah  
He's a Star Wars geek, Star Wars geek  
He's Star Wars-geeky, yow  
  
Star Wars geek, Star Wars geek  
  
He's a very wacky dude  
A guy you won't admit you know  
Trivia everywhere he goes  
Walking down the street, yeah  
And searching all conventions for a girlfriend  
She's on Dantooine  
He just acts like such a clown  
  
A real big crowd don't matter, he says  
"For Episode III, I'm still waiting"  
When I see him he's waving plastic lightsabers  
It's such a geeky scene  
  
That dude is pretty weird now  
The dude's a Star Wars geek  
The kind of dude you read about  
In Star Wars magazines  
That dude is pretty quirky  
The dude's a Star Wars geek  
I'd really like to deck him  
Every time we meet  
He's no knight, he's no knight  
He's no Jedi knight to me, yeah  
He's a Star Wars geek, Star Wars geek  
He's Star Wars-geeky, yow  
  
Max Rebo sing!  
Ohhhhh  
Star Wars geek, Star Wars geek  
That dude's a Star Wars geek  
Ohhhhh  
  
He's a very quirky dude  
He's still living with his mother  
He thinks he's got it going on  
But I think that he's just a freak, ow dude


	52. Grand Moff Man

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I got a song for Grand Moff Tarkin!

Grand Moff Man 

Premise: The slickest dude in the Empire.

To: ZZ Top's "Sharp Dressed Man"

Clean shirt, new boots  
He and the Emperor are in cahoots.  
Sharp suit, slick hair,  
He's a murderer with savoir faire.  
He pulled the switch that blew up Alderaan  
But everybody listens to the Grand Moff man.  
  
Smooth voice, bold speech,  
He's even holding on to Vader's leash.  
Armed guards, Death Star,  
Try to stop him and you won't get far  
You'd better get a hold of the stolen plans  
It's the only way of stopping the Grand Moff man.  
  
X-Wings, laser blasts,  
The Rebels attacked, and they made it fast.  
Turret guns, fast TIEs,  
Tarkin stayed aboard, which wasn't wise.  
Luke blew the whole thing up, with an assist from Han  
And that was the end of the Grand Moff man.


	53. Shades of Gray

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Man, I hate this woman. I think this turned out all right, however.

****

Shades of Gray

Premise: The tale of intertwining fate of the Skywalker lineage. In the struggle between good and evil, there is nothing in between.

To: Amanda Marshall's "Shades of Gray"

He was a foreseen baby

Conceived by tiny parasites

He spent years slaving in the glaring suns

Until he met a Jedi Knight

When the High Council met him for the very first time

They found it odd that he didn't have a daddy

Put all of that prophecy fell apart

When he fell for a girl named Padme

For you see

You can't train a stubborn mind

You can't stop emotion once unconfined

Choices we make and things we say

Light and dark are both ours

There are no shades of gray

They got married in a private ritual

They thought it could survive

Only R2 and C-3P0

Watched the new man and wife

And they held each other close on their wedding day

They knew it was forbidden, they didn't care anyway

And the holy man simply closed his book and walked away

So let me say

You can't tame a stubborn mind

If they don't care what is wrong or right

And the Dark Side brewed on that day

As the darkness lowered

There were no shades of gray

When Dark Lord battled with the brave young knight

He revealed that he was his daddy

And he asked if his son would follow him

But it just made Luke unhappy

Now you see

You can't change a stubborn mind

But if light is pure in a Jedi Knight

They can fight the urge to stray

And the light shines through them

There are no shades of gray

They have the power

There are no shades of

They have the power

There are no shades of gray


	54. Big Turbines

AUTHOR'S NOTES: You know, I honestly hoped I'd never have to do a Pink song, but this one just wouldn't die. I guess podracing and "Full Throttle" go hand in hand.

****

Big Turbines

Premise: Podracing: The ultimate adrenaline rush.

To: Pink's "Feel Good Time"

[Sebulba cackles] 

Go fast as we like, 

We have big turbines, 

We act like we don't have no brains, 

We don't dare look back, 

We stay on the track, 

Dodging each calamity 

Leaning into turns, 

Ploughing through the dirt, 

Keeping a tight grip on the reins, 

Lots of body work, 

Make opponents hurt, 

Either win or go down in flames 

Big turbines, engine whine, 

(doo doo doo doo doo doo..) 

Big turbines, engine whine,

(doo doo doo doo doo doo..) 

Big turbines, (Real big turbines), 

Engine whine, (Hear the engine whine!) 

He-e-ey, it's Boonta Eve time! 

Keep out of our way, 

Lethal game we play, 

Every single second's unsafe... 

We're all real speed nuts, 

It takes lots of guts, 

Our velocity is insane, 

Leaning into turns, 

Ploughing through the dirt, 

Keeping a tight grip on the reins, 

Lots of body work, 

Make opponents hurt, 

Either win or go down in flames

Big turbines, engine whine, 

(doo doo doo doo doo doo..) 

Big turbines, engine whine,

(doo doo doo doo doo doo..) 

Big turbines, (Real big turbines,), 

Engine whine, (Hear the engine whine!) 

He-e-ey, it's Boonta Eve time!

Doo doo doo doo.... baby.... expedite... yeah 

(Either win or go down in flames) 

Big turbines, engine whine, 

(doo doo doo doo doo doo..) 

Big turbines, engine whine,

(doo doo doo doo doo doo..) 

Big turbines, (Real big turbines,), 

Engine whine, (Hear the engine whine!) 

Big turbines, engine whine…

Speed's good, Fees good, 

Lots of high-speed stakes 

Speed's good, Fees good, 

I don't have no brakes, 

Speed's good, Fees good, 

Sound barrier breaks....yeah 

Speed's good, Fees good, 

I don't have no brakes!

He-e-ey, it's Boonta Eve time!


	55. Lando Dee Calrissian

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I'm back! I've likely lost my entire fan base over the summer, but what the heck. Here we go. I finally got a song about Lando. RIP Robert Palmer.

****

Lando Dee Calrissian

Premise: Han's gonna look in on an old buddy. A scoundrel – you'd like him. And yes, I know Lando doesn't have a middle name, but I needed an extra syllable. Sue me. Whoa! Where'd all these ugly dancing women come from?

To: Robert Palmer's "Simply Irresistible"

He trusts his intuition  
With cash, he's a magician   
He's a real good tactician  
He's a man, he's not a system  
  
He follows his own course, doesn't need the Force  
He swipes up the dough, without any remorse  
He used to be a friend to me, so let's find him  
Lando Dee Calrissian, Lando Dee Calrissian  
  
He's a con man in remission,  
He's got a high position  
I see he's found fruition  
No Imperial opposition  
  
He's above the law, and he's quick on the draw  
His luck has no flaws, let's find him because  
He used to be a friend to me, so let's find him  
Lando Dee Calrissian (He's refined, there's no tellin' how his money's spent)

Lando Dee Calrissian (A mastermind, I'm glad he's a guy I know)  
Lando Dee Calrissian (He's refined, there's no tellin' how his money's spent)  
Lando Dee Calrissian (A mastermind, I'm glad he's a guy I know)  
  
Looks like we need him, as we're up against the wall   
Because the hyperdrive is not working at all  
I'm a little hesitant to place Lando a call   
But he's in good with me, so let's find him   
Lando Dee Calrissian (He's refined, there's no tellin' how his money's spent)  
Lando Dee Calrissian (A mastermind, I'm glad he's a guy I know)  
  
He's surrounded by suspicion  
On his floating acquisition

But we need his technicians,  
So ignore your premonition  
  
He follows his own course, doesn't need the Force  
He swipes up the dough, without any remorse  
He used to be a friend to me, so let's find him 

Lando Dee Calrissian (He's refined, there's no tellin' how his money's spent)  
Lando Dee Calrissian (A mastermind, I'm glad he's a guy I know)  
Lando Dee Calrissian (He's refined, there's no tellin' how his money's spent)  
Lando Dee Calrissian (A mastermind, I'm glad he's a guy I know)

Lando Dee Calrissian!


	56. Droids and Wheels

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I just realized I've been doing this for over a year. Thanks for all the support, even in these oh-so-frequent arid patches.

****

Droids and Wheels

Premise: I love those Jawas. Love 'em like brothers. Or something.

To: Good Charlotte's "Boys and Girls"

Motivators  
Aren't running  
Restrainers  
For stunning  
The gold ones will offer annoying translations  
We buy and sell nearly  
All automations  
We salvage everything  
  
Snatching up droids  
Letting them go for money  
Wheeling through the desert hot and sunny  
  
Power, mechanics,  
Just say it, we'll have it  
Clean parts, and axle grease  
You can't go wrong with our machines  
You'll get what you want 'cause we're ready to please  
We converse in Basic and Jawa-ese  
But watch it, there's nothing for free  
  
Snatching up droids  
Letting them go for money  
Wheeling through the desert hot and sunny  
We're hunting for droids  
In a fortress on wheels  
We're looking for cash and we're eager for deals  
Snatching up droids 

Letting them go for money  
  
Glowing-eyed midgets in brown woollen hoods, out on the prowl for material goods  
Glowing-eyed midgets in brown woollen hoods, out on the prowl for material goods

  
Snatching up droids  
Letting them go for money  
Wheeling through the desert hot and sunny  
We're hunting for droids  
In a fortress on wheels  
We're looking for cash and we're eager for deals  
Snatching up droids 

Letting them go for money


	57. The Midichlorian Song

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Did you think I'd neglect my fans at Christmas? Here's a new one for you, and I hope to have a couple more ready by the new year. Merry Christmas!  
  
The Midichlorian Song  
  
Premise: Read the intro.  
  
To: Adam Sandler's "Hanukkah Song"  
  
Everybody knows that Jedi (orthodox Jedi, at least) don't celebrate Christmas, so here's a song for all of the holiday-deprived Jedi out there. If you can't celebrate Christmas, celebrate your midichlorians!  
  
Tell the historians, hooray for midichlorians  
  
Tell the senatorian to celebrate midichlorians, Midichlorians live in the blood of Jedi knights,  
  
Instead of receiving presents, we have lightsaber fights. If you're sad that you have a seeker droid instead of a Christmas tree,  
  
Heres a list of folks with midichlorians, unlike you and me: (and people in the UK, for that matter.)  
  
There's Exar Kun, who spent a few years trapped in adobe  
  
As well as Plo Koon, Corran Horn and Obi-Wan Kenobi Hang out at the Jedi Temple, and you might see Vima-Da-Boda,  
  
Adi Gallia, Eeth Koth and Jedi Master Yoda! Count Dooku's got midis; Yaddle has them too,  
  
Like Luke, Leia, Mara Jade, and Dorsk 82! Palpatine had loads of them, although his had gone bad -  
  
And Anakin had even more - some say they were his dad! So go to the emporium, if you've got midichlorians,  
  
Be an oratorion, and shout out for midichlorians.  
  
Jar Jar Binks - had none at all!  
  
But there were lots in Yarael Poof, Kit Fisto and Darth Maul! What ladies will show up for a Jedi cup of coffee  
  
But Shaak Ti, Bultar Swan and Barriss freakin' Offee! I knew some people would suspect that Kyp Durron is Hindu  
  
Well, he's not; he's a Jedi. Just like Mace Windu! Han Solo may have midichlorians, but not very many  
  
But his kids have a lot - Jacen, Jaina and Ani!  
  
Here's one for the historians, so celebrate your midichlorians  
  
I hope I'm a valedictorian, in the class of midichlorians. So grunt like a Gammorrean, and visit the sanitorium,  
  
And just ask for more-ian, Hip, hip hooray for midichlorians! 


	58. DVD Stiffed Sebastian Shaw

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Here are two songs I wrote as an act of protest to George Lucas butchering the Original Trilogy on the DVD. Grand vision my foot, George!

**DVD Stiffed Sebastian Shaw  
**Premise: A noble old ghost smiles no more.  
To: The Buggles' "Video Killed the Radio Star" 

I heard you filmed a scene way back in '82  
Vader took off his mask and then there was you.  
And then you showed up later as a ghost all glowing blue  
  
Oh-a oh  
  
But now I see they've changed the trilogy,  
Rewritten by machine and new technology,  
Hayden replaced you on the DVD.  
  
Oh-a no  
What about your children?  
Oh-a no  
What can we tell them?

DVD stiffed Sebastian Shaw  
DVD stiffed Sebastian Shaw  
  
Pictures changed and broke my heart.  
Oh-a-a-a oh  
  
And now I'm watching you back on video.  
I see you smiling and it seems so long ago.  
Oh why did your smiling image have to go?  
  
Oh-a oh  
You were the first one.  
Oh-a oh  
You were the best one.  
  
DVD stiffed Sebastian Shaw  
DVD stiffed Sebastian Shaw  
In my mind and in my heart, we can't rewind, we've gone too far  
Oh-a-aho oh,  
Oh-a-aho oh  
  
DVD stiffed Sebastian Shaw  
DVD stiffed Sebastian Shaw  
  
In my mind and in my heart, we can't rewind, we've gone too far.  
Pictures changed and broke my heart, as I watch my VCR.  
  
Poor old Sebastian Shaw.  
Poor old Sebastian Shaw.  
DVD stiffed Sebastian Shaw  
DVD stiffed Sebastian Shaw  
DVD stiffed Sebastian Shaw  
DVD stiffed Sebastian Shaw  
  
DVD stiffed Sebastian Shaw. (Poor old Sebastian Shaw.)


	59. Why'd It Change Again?

**Why'd It Change Again?  
**Premise: More angsting over DVDs.  
To: Blink 182's "What's My Age Again?"

Bought DVDs  
Only last night  
Took them home  
Something wasn't right  
Palpatine came on,  
New face, his lines are crap,  
And then I turned off the TV

And then I knew that Lucas lost his sanity  
How could he do this to his trilogy?  
But now I'm seeing that Clive Revill's gone  
You call this continuity?  
My friends say that it's just a change  
Why'd it change again?  
Why'd it change again?

Later on  
I watched a bit more  
There was a change  
No man could ignore  
Luke saw his father's ghost  
But not the one we knew  
Now Hayden's staring back at me

And that's about the time I used profanity  
How could Lucas sully his legacy?  
But now he's gone and cut Sebastian Shaw  
Forget this stupid DVD  
My friends say that it's just a change  
Why'd it change again?  
Why'd it change again?

I'm questioning George Lucas' morality  
Erasing actor's roles so easily  
And now I'm hearing Boba's voice is dubbed  
Does this count as blasphemy?  
My friends say that it's just a change  
Why'd it change again?

I'm sick and tired of all this crap I see  
I take my Star Wars movies seriously  
And even though now Han almost shoots first  
That's not good enough for me  
My friends say that it's just a change  
Why'd it change again?  
Why'd it change again?

Why'd it change again?


End file.
